Gimme, Gimme, Gimme a Break: Why ABBA are overrated

Why is it that everyone is obsessed with ABBA at the moment?

Objectively, they are pretty mediocre. If we were to pit say, Mamma Mia against any other 1970s song such as Good Times by Chic, there’d be only one winner. Oh, and if you do need clarification on which one is better, then: a) it’s the latter and b) sort your life out.

And it seems everyone has jumped on this mediocre bandwagon. Memes, pre-drink playlist debasement, those from the Home Counties, and respectable places, namely Leadmill, devoting entire nights to ABBA – not once, not twice, but soon to be three times. This is not justified.

You may think I am being completely unreasonable here, and you are quite entitled to ask: why I am launching a tirade on this harmless group from the 1970s? Well, I’m fed up of them really.

The Songs

Well let’s start with the songs. Gimme, Gimme, Gimme! (A Man After Midnight) is confusing in itself and I find myself wondering: why do they need the man post-midnight? Does this mean that 11:59pm is an unacceptable time for the receiving of said man but 12:01am is perfectly fine? Seriously, this group needs to be more flexible.

Moreover, Dancing Queen…well, I think our dear Prime Minister has killed that one. I don’t need to dwell on this particular ‘song’.

Mamma Mia! inspired the creation of a shoddy musical and subsequent film, based on a woman simply getting married. Yes, there is a bit of controversy with her mum’s three exes attending, but to be fair I am sure this kind of thing happens at a lot of weddings, probably.

Basically, the film is unimaginative and is surely only appealing to the kind of people who find Loose Women intellectually stimulating and play online bingo.

The only song of merit is Knowing Me Knowing You, as it formed the basis of Alan Partridge’s mock chat show of the same name. Seriously, that is it when it comes to ABBA positives.

Eurovision

Another fault I find in ABBA is their part in raising the profile of the Eurovision song contest. The group won the competition in 1974 and I believe, aside from the toxic campaign, it had something to do with Brexit.

No one likes Eurovision and to be fair I am sure that people wrongly believed that, by leaving the European Union, we would also not be participating in the competition.

So when we are starving due to food shortages, we will have ABBA to thank for raising the profile of the competition, subsequently making people hate it, and thus being a huge factor in influencing people to vote to leave the EU. This means ABBA, are up there with the Goves, Johnsons and Farages of this world, in my mind. Yes, this is iron-clad reasoning.

Memes

Now, onto the memes. They are, let’s be honest, quite horrific. I mean they’re irritating and lack any comedic value – take exhibit A and B below, for example. It concerns me that people put time and effort into creating these pictures. Seriously, just go outside or, even better, listen to proper music.

Both memes are as old as Charlie Bit My Finger, so either come up with some original content or just stop making these tortured memes. Cheers.

ABBA Night

I have saved the worst until last here. ABBA Night. This is a night devoted to playing all of ABBA’s indifferent songs to people who secretly don’t want to be there but pretend to enjoy the group.

What hurts the most is that it is taking place at Leadmill, which is renowned nationwide for being a good venue. Think of Sonic Saturdays, Club Tropicana etc. These are brilliant club nights.

Yet here, it has turned its back on that and alienated normal, functioning people by putting on this sham of a night. Put simply, it is lazy. Simply, stick ABBA Gold on (which in itself is intolerable) and repeat it from 11pm until 4am, and that is all there is to it. Absolutely no work involved whatsoever.

Obviously this event would be rendered dead in the water after one night? I hear you ask. No, for some reason Leadmill will, by the end of the month, have hosted a total of three ABBA nights since September. If anyone has a justification for this then frankly I would love to hear it.

So, if the sight of Theresa May awkwardly ‘dancing’ to Dancing Queen, Eurovision’s hand in the Brexit vote, the memes, ABBA nights and the bang-average nature of the songs has not convinced you that the group are overrated, there is little hope for you.