Ahoi-hoiii, save one of those beerios for our Clubbers of the Week
Loyalty cards at the ready
Life comes at you fast. One minute you're in a Mediterranean villa with your true love, winning £50,000 and the hearts of Britain. Next thing you know, you're spending your Saturday night in Sheffield, stood still for three hours taking photos with drunk people.
Of course, Jack's the one laughing, with his 2.6 million Instagram followers and love life that actually exists. A meet and greet at Viper Rooms is a small price to pay for fame, finances, and romantic security. While I've not got a text, I have got Sheffield's Clubbers of the Week.
Shocked Clubbers of the Week
Yep, it really is him off of the telly, I can't believe it either lads.
Couple of the Week: Photo Booth Special
Pres, taxi, doubles, quick dance to Not Nineteen Forever, and then the highlight of the night, THREE trips to the photo booth. Standard.
Most Enthusiastic Clubber of the Week
There was a lot of new energy in Corp tonight, and some of it was just so Rainbow Rhythms, and some of it was just so not Rainbow Rhythms.
Least Enthusiastic Clubber of the Week
He's tried his best to like Corp, but deep down just wants Pop Tarts back.
Coordinated Clubbers of the Week
Polo shirt, black jeans and a load of hair gel to top it off. Get the local look.
Height Difference of the Week
They look up to him. Partly because they don't have any other option.
Mid-Photo Sing Along of the Week
"You made me FEEL LIKE THE ONE"
Loyal Clubber of the Week
A crossover between standard Saturday night dress and a wedding outfit. Taking the "end" out of "Viper Weekender". That's just who she is.
Happiest Clubbers of the Week
Does anything boost serotonin levels like Touch by Little Mix? Clearly not.
Biggest Squad of the Week
A better starting eleven than Sheffield Wednesday's recent efforts.
Celebrity Friends of the Week
Craig from Corrie loves himself a bit of Viper on a Saturday night.
Photo credits: Code, Viper Rooms, Corp, Leadmill