Are you the hot mess of your friendship group?
Yes they haven’t showered in days but they make great cups of tea
We all have a hot mess friend and if you don't then, unfortunately, you are one. You come home from your 9am to your hot mess sat in the kitchen with last night's makeup on, wearing pyjamas stained with coffee as they swear to you they'll never drink again and they will 100% make the lecture next time…
The hot mess friend is always the one to do the first jaegerbomb walk, when you're sat at your table in Spoons and there they come, carrying that black tray with as many shots as they can possibly hold and, when you remind them that you ALL have uni tomorrow, their response will always be something along the lines of 'LIVE FOR TONIGHT!' The worst part being that they are so convincing you go along with it anyway.
The hot mess will also kind of enjoy their title, they will try and deny it and tell everyone that they've got their life under control and that the pile of dirty washing that takes up 3/4 of their room is 'organised chaos'. And that, yes, they've never taken the bins out and it is second year but in their defence someone always manages to get it done before they go to do it… But nevertheless, just the potential of someone calling you hot (even with the added mess) is enough to make this type of friend happy.
Him: You’re a hot mess.
Her : But like hot though?
— Anais Ninja (@michikoconuts) August 15, 2018
Taxi drivers will hate your hot mess friend. The moment you step foot in the taxi on the way home, one of two things will happen. Firstly, your hot mess could be in such a state – drunk with cheesy chip residue all over their face – that will inevitably end up being sick in the taxi. This will either end with you being slapped with a hefty cleaning fine, or getting the hell out of the taxi as fast as you can and then never using that firm ever again.
The second option is somewhat better but could end in disaster. Your hot mess friend will insist on sitting in the front of the taxi so they can chat to the driver. Now, this isn't the usual 'you been busy tonight mate?', but more like their life story will begin pouring out their mouths until the taxi driver is giving them some serious relationship advice about whether being ghosted is acceptable and why your hot mess can't seem to 'be open to a relationship'. It is 100% not because they need to get their shit together first…
When im sober I hate talking to taxi drivers but when I’m drunk I tell them my life story?
— AW♏️ (@ashleigh_ecw) May 3, 2018
Sleep is yet another issue with the hot mess friend – when they decide it is time to sleep, it is time to sleep. No matter where they are or what they are doing, they will lie down and have a kip.
Of course it will be the most unsafe, precarious place they could have imagined, but they say to never wake a sleeping baby and the same applies to your hot mess.
Another classic trait of the hot mess friend, and how to identify them clearly, is to test whether they actually make it out or whether they die at pres.
We've all been there, about to head out but your friends are putting you to bed with a bucket next to your face instead. But if this is a regular occurrence, then you are a hot mess, my friend.
Don't get me wrong, the hot mess friend is absolutely vital to a killer friendship group – without them setting the bar of how pissed someone can get and how mental they can behave, the judgment would just move on to someone else.
Yes, your hot mess might never clean, live in a pig sty and throw up more times on a night out than you ever have in your entire life but they are also a great laugh.
They're the ones that will always be up for anything, they will drop everything they are doing to cheer you up with a night out and if you ever want some juicy gossip, this is the friend to come to. They can't handle their alcohol but they make a fabulous cup of tea and they will make sure your life isn't boring and well for that reason alone maybe we should thank them.
So, if you're thinking that you don't have a friend like this, the odds are the hot mess friend is you. But embrace it, life would be so boring if we were all tucked up in bed by 10pm reading up for tomorrow's lecture. You just keep things spicy!