Here’s everything that happened at Sheffield Uni in 2017
It didn’t disappoint
Post-exam Pop Tarts sold out in just six minutes
There was pandamonium as exam-weary students flocked to Facebook Fresher pages in search of a pop tarts ticket, after they were sold out online within six minutes. The Athletics Society was slated for buying 800 tickets, but to be fair they too needed the Pop Tarts treatment after BUCS.
A poem decided it's inhaled enough diesel
The six-storey "In Praise of Air" poem, written by Sheffield Uni's Simon Armitage, somehow removed more than two tons of pollution during its two-and-a -half years on Alfred Denny building. Back to renewables now.
Night Kitchen closure announced
What a place. RIP.
But it wasn't the only one…
Streams of tears became floods as Ranmoor students were told later that week that The Ridge would close at the end of the year. Because, of course, the last place they wanted to end up was The Edge.
ROAR played Darude's Sandstorm 55 times
Sheffield SU, as only it could, played "Sandstorm" 55 times in Fusion. As a member of the Cheerleading squad put it: “It was the epitome of carnage, however I don’t want to listen to that song again for a long, long time."
Can't get away from him though, sorry, as it soon emerged that the actual Darude himself would perform live at Foundry in April.
Sunday stroll with an alpaca anyone?
Who thought it would be a good idea for us cure that Pop Tarts hangover by taking an alpaca for a walk? The ingenius Holly Hagg farm did, that's who. Sundays, 12pm, see ya there x
A Cat Cafe's cuter though
I mean, what's next? A safari room in the IC? We had reason to wonder as, amid alpaca affairs, "Tabby Teas" came to Cemetery Road. Relax among cats as you drink coffee. Sounds purr-fect, right?
Sheffield SU was voted best in the UK, again
It's not like we were surprised.
Dartsity becomes farce-ity
— Laurence Bowyer (@laurence_bowyer) April 1, 2017
Things kinda went severely downhill as the annual good-natured darts match between Uni of and Hallam descended into anarchy and the police were called, all before 10pm. Apparently Hallam started it.
Let's just pause: RIP TO THE BREAKFAST SANDWICH
There was a sombre mood across campus as the breakfast sandwich and a regular coffee for £2.95 deal passed away, replaced by a shitty pastry and a hot drink. The weekly "will I make the deal?" scramble after a 10-11am seminar was no more, those ROAR and Corp hangovers were to go uncured, hearts were broken. At least John's Van was happy.
2,000 retweets got Bassboy at a Sheffield house party
Yes, this bunch of second years got Bassboy to play at their house party in June. It was after student Josh Johnson exceed the condition set by the DJ for him to play, of 2,000 retweets. They maybe punched above their weight (like Hallam at Dartsity) in trying to get Skepsis there as well.
Free pints for registering to vote? Count me in
Strong and stable Sheffield pub The Red Deer offered free pints for registered voters during the election campaign. I mean, to hell with the government campaigns because this is the way to do it.
Nick Clegg was offered DJ job at West Street Live
It was one way that Jared O'Mara, newly-elected MP for Sheffield Hallam, could have payed commiserations to his predecessor. O'Mara, who apparently co-founded WSL, no doubt sensed a ripe time for a Clegg to perform another U-turn – this time away from politics altogether. It would have been a class night to be fair.
Students were told to share showers
For all we knew it was some kind of sick joke. Yorkshire Water actually advised Sheffield residents to “share a shower or bath and try to keep time in the shower to a minimum.” This is where Britain's got to.
The SU introduced sniffer dogs and ID scanners
The SU announced it would bring in sniffer dogs, ID scanners, searches and clearer signage in Foundry after the death of Hallam student Joana Burns. The Mathematics student, 22, died after taking MDMA at The Tuesday Club in June.
A Sheffield grad became Britain's youngest doctor
Turns out the Medical School can actually justify their self-idealised superiority now as Arpan Doshi graduated to become Britain's youngest doctor, at 21. And its no wonder: at 14 he had six GCSEs at A*/A; at 16 he had the International Baccalaureate in six subjects; and at 17 he began his degree. All that effort to work for Jeremy Hunt.
Sheffield fitter than Leeds
Yep, dating app Happn rated Sheffield 17th fittest uni in the UK, based on where the most matches have been made, and we're above Leeds.
Hallam started using social media to try and get students to enrol
At Cardiff Uni, the provocative Snapchat account was a joke, but it wasn't at Hallam. They confirmed they're now using Facebook Messenger, Twitter DM's and Snapchat to recruit new freshers. Telling, though, how they were less keen to talk about the latter. Nudes involved? Who knows.
Can't miss out Keef Fat-Cat Burnett
Instead of justifying his £420,000 annual salary, plus his £50,000 expenses on hotels and flights in one academic year, he blamed the government.
'CONSENT IS A MYTH' written on bar-crawl t-shirts
This Tab Sheffield exclusive called out this lot for what they were. They were refused drinks, allegedly kicked out of Tigerworks, and hopefully will be banned from coming on a North vs. Midlands vs. South bar crawl again. See ya.
“I wish I were a misogynist, I’d put her in her place , I wish I were a misogynist, I’d smash her in her face.”
These were written by the wonderful lyricist that is O'Mara, the MP for Sheffield Hallam, when he front-manned a band. He came across as so innocent when I met him in September, but then Guido Fawkes found he's been a little busy posting online. Homophobic, misogynist, even 'Sheffield-United-ist'; we're talking the full repertoire here. He apologised, but then more recent allegations came out and he was suspended from the Labour Party.
We failed to find out what's in a Corp pint
Corp said: "If we told you, we'd have to kill you".
THE Super Hans played Leadmill
It was a packed house for Peep Show's very own, featuring flying cereal, whole cakes, and a man on stage dressed as Jesus. Soon after, Leadmill announced Big Keith is coming in the New Year for an Office-themed quiz. Wow. Just wow.
This Sheff student will be dressing as a VK every day until Easter
Ask any member of Athletics Society: Jake Verity is the most addicted to VK's. Having raised over £500 for Movember charity, Rees Britt is taking his love for VK's to another level.
Uber don't leave us
There was collective weeping across Sheffield as the City Council announced it was suspending Uber's licence. As we all faced the prospect of actually having to walk places, Christmas came early when Uber's hiatus ended before it had begun.