Don’t try and cheat us, Sheffield is ruddy northern and these are all the reasons why
Block out the haters, we’re definitely not southern
Sheffield is in the south. At least according to the north/south divide based on how many Greggs a city has. Understandably, Sheffielders were outraged – there's more to northernness than sausage rolls.
To remind the heathens who would suggest otherwise, here are all the reasons why Sheffield is a jewel in a crown of northernness.
You can go on a night out for a fiver
And that's your taxi fare too. Whether it's your five pound round in Tiger Works or £1 shots in WSL, Sheffield is known for being ridiculously cheap. You're more likely to stumble across a free welcome drink in Code than a £12 cocktail, proving that we couldn't be less southern if we tried.
Trams are a thing
Trams are a rare occurrence down south, and no one really understands the point of them. Not quite a train, not quite a bus, only northerners have got them sussed out. Everyone up here knows you're a fool if you don't go to Meadowhall or Philadelphia Centre by tram. Plus, the conductor is always happy – which you never get in the south.
There is a whole other language for bread rolls
It's a fucking bread roll not a cob , tea cake ,barm ,muffin nothing more nothing less.
— warren (@davewarrenwhufc) July 17, 2017
Barm, bap, muffin, cob, bread cake… no one has ever quite understood why Sheffielders have such an aversion to the term bread rolls. Only true northerners know about this apparent tardis of the english language.
There's a whole other language generally
Ay up, tarrah love, ge'ore. Chuffin'ell there's nothing southern about a Sheffielder's twist on English. For the untrained ear, the Sheffield twang can seem impossible to understand, but once you've got it down you're practically bilingual.
Every surrounding area has the most northern, ridiculous name ever
Ever taken a trip to Oughtibridge? Rawmarsh? Coal Aston? Dung worth? No you haven't, because you're a southerner who knows nothing about what the north is.
Pies are important to us
Let me be clear – the reason we have too few Greggs per capita is because Sheffielders value real, home cooked pies. Why have a steak bake when you've got Steak and Guinness pie at home? (By home we mean Nottingham House.) Let's be honest, the best pies you'll find are up certainly up north, specifically in Sheffield.
The weather is awfully, hopelessly northern
On my way to Sheffield. It seems the weather in the North is very different. I may not be suitably dressed.
— Helen (@pbfhpunk) July 7, 2017
Sheffield's hottest month is August, where the average highest temperature is 15 degrees. Case closed.
People actually speak to each other on public transport
Compared to the palpable silence of London Underground, Sheffield public transport is a hoot. For the average southerner, it can actually be disturbing that every one on the bus isn't already an acquaintance, and they actually want to speak to each other. Be prepared to hear all about Susan's grandson's christening, or help John get to the station in time.
There is a bus etiquette
If you're waiting for a bus in the city centre, you'd better make it clear that you're waiting in the queue. Unlike the angsty free for all down south, Sheffielders make a point of being in a line to avoid anarchy once the bus comes (which, come to think of it, is probably how they keep up the good moods). If you tip toe to the front to look at the timetable, do it with caution.
Everyone calls you 'love'
Calling someone 'love' up north is akin to saying hello or goodbye, no interaction is complete without it. What makes it a true northern commonplace is the totally harmless place it comes from, instead of it being considered creepy down south. Did you even go to a shop if the cashier didn't call you love?