You haven’t known desperation until you’ve queued for a Pop Tarts ticket in Bar One

“What a sad little life Jane”

If you’re a Pop Tarts aficionado, you will know that if you’ve made a grave miscalculation and failed to get a ticket before they’ve sold out then there is a limited number of ways you can nab one and keep your dignity. Option one involves posting on the freshers page, which is effective but a high profile way of trying to get your pop fix.

The second option seems to be far more dignified, as 50 tickets are put aside and are up for grabs in Bar One from 10pm on Saturday night. Easy right?

No please no

Wrong. So very very wrong. Having turned up at 9.45pm to Bar One, you think you’re ahead of the curve but there are already over 100 people fighting for tickets, madness. You reason that all these people can’t want tickets surely? How naive. These people are here to fight for tickets all holds barred, make no mistake.

To get one of these magic tickets, you also need to buy a drink. Therefore you can add people trying to squeeze tequila shots and double rum and cokes out of the pile of desperation to the wonderful equation. Side note: they’ll probably spill it on you as you aim to lurch forward to get your paws on a ticket of your own.

More competitive than Glasto or ice hockey tickets? C’mon now

In the style and spirit of a boxing ring, a bell is rung at the start of the carnage and at the end, a sound synonymous with disappointment for so many. To make the whole affair even more competitive only one till is open, so be prepared to funnel yourself.

If you are unsuccessful then you get the chance to reflect on what you’ve become. Did you really just elbow the girl in front and knock the person on your other side? Who knew that the price of your dignity was five pounds and a drink? Time to get a grip maybe.

If you learn one thing from this, please save yourself the pain and buy a ticket in advance.