How to fake it at Roar
A guide for the non-sporty student
Whether you’ve missed out on a Corp ticket or been dragged along by a housemate from the rugby team, there comes a time in every non-sporty students’ life that they will experience the club night that is Roar. You’ve heard the rumours: the playlist is the trendier sister of Pop Tarts and it’s a cornucopia of fancy dress. All the clubbers of the week seem to have abs, and there’s a strange designation of specific sports teams to specific areas. If it’s already seeming a little too much, here’s a guide of how to fake it at Roar.
Before you’ve even left the door you need to consider how best to blend in at Roar. There are a few different approaches: if you’re feeling creative it could be time to try a bit of fake fancy dress. Belonging to no actual sports team, there’s no dress code that warrants your time and effort, but you’re procrastinating from uni work and have a whole roll of bubble wrap lying around. Hey, it might just be that much easier to pull a netball fitty if you’re blending in with the fancy dress guys from the men’s football club.
Alternatively, a classic black-and-gold combo screams of Sheffield sport spirit, reminding you of all those varsity games you never took part in but watched from afar with a beer in hand (good memories). As far as the sport attire goes though, donning official Sport Sheffield clothing is a step too far and will result in you being sniffed out as a fake.
You thought you knew heavy drinking when you went to Corp, but there’s no drinking like sports team drinking. At Roar, you’ll soon learn that for the dedicated sportsmen and women, this is their only night out of the week and automatically means they’re going in hard. A catalogue of highly questionable ‘traditions’ in many sports teams seem to merit everyone getting completely slaughtered, so whilst you can appreciate not having a coach in your ear telling you to ”down it fresher”, you can be sure that getting very merry will help you blend in with the crowd. Plus, who are you to deny the Union deal on VKs?
Bust a move
Besides the classic fist pump or water-sprinkler move, take your dancing up a notch and feign some ironic sports move to improve your creds on the dancefloor at Roar. A spontaneous stretching sesh in-between choruses will have you looking sporty in no time, why not fake shooting in a hoop when the beat drops? It’s pretty fool-proof too, as everyone will think your pathetic attempts at lunges are ironic.
Unlike any other club night in Sheffield, everyone knows there’s an unspoken floor plan of Roar and there every team has their own spot. Whether it’s the hockey girls near the stage, or the Tennis crew’s bar, intruding on the designated ‘space’ of a sports team just isn’t cool, and being shunned out of the top corner of Foundry will expose you as decidedly ‘un-sporty’ quicker than an impromptu bleep test. Instead of the effort of learning the Roar etiquette, simply take a wander and see what delights Roar has to offer. That way if anyone finds you out as a fraud, simply move on to the next area and take your chances elsewhere.
Cheer at the DJ shout-outs
The football squad won five nil in their match today? Legeeends. The social sec for lacrosse is passed out in Fusion? Classic Tim. If you’ve ever been to Roar you’re sure to be familiar with the bombardment of shout-outs from the DJ booth in Fusion. Whatever the DJ throws your way, be sure to take it like a proper fake and roll with it. If the people around you start to cotton on to how many DJ shout-outs you know about, you’ll soon be remembered as Sheffield’s most dedicated sports lover. Who knows, they might even start thinking you’re part of multiple sports teams, and that’s just comical.
What’s more, who’s to say that faking a sporty side has to be limited to the Union? If you stay in character until the end of the night, you might just believe that those cheesy chips are part of your carb-load for tomorrow’s big match.