A guy used PowerPoint to beg for a Pop Tarts ticket on a Freshers’ page

What is the world coming to?


It is a weekly occurrence that hoards of desperate people descend on freshers Facebook pages, ready to cut off their right arm to gain entry to the poptastic Utopia. But last night, a new ludicrous bar was set.

Cian took to the ‘Freshers 2016/17’ page among the masses to beg for a golden ticket. However, this #legend got a little more inventive with his plea, begging through the medium of the Microsoft PowerPoint presentation.

Titled “Justice for Cian 2K16” and emblazoned with the hashtag ‘#GetCianToPoppyTs’ you can imagine precisely what vein of banter this was going to go down. Obviously Harambe featured.

He immediately went in for the kill by really tugging on the heartstrings of our global suffering across 2016, including Trump, Harambe, and potentially the biggest travesty of all, Alaska shockingly winning Ru Paul’s Drag Race when Katya clearly deserved the crown. Leaving all thinking, ‘yes, yes I have witnessed injustice’, and thus in one fell swoop he had everyone hooked.

Cian then proceeded, in an Apprentice style botch-job pitch, to list his selling points which should  secure him a ticket. Because who wouldn’t want to sell a ticket to an Echo Falls drinking self confessed #legend that adores the sesh?

He then went in with the hard sell with claims of incredible lyric for lyric, dance move for dance move knowledge of Hips Don’t Lie. Clearly leaps and bounds ahead of all his other competitors this lad deserved a place at his ‘Seshtination’ of choice, Poppy T’s.

Plus, with such flawless grasp of grammar and punctuation, this boy deserves a round of applause.

Finally, if his strong selling points hadn’t been enough to convince you of this #legend’s eligibility, his one hundred per cent legitimate references from iconic historical figures should have had you sold. We always had a sneaky suspicion that Mother Theresa was a low-key party animal.

But come on, who hasn’t done 50 shots and the splits in Foundry? This isn’t amateur hour.

What was already a competitive market has just been pushed further. What next? Having to pitch through a Youtube video? With only six days until the next ticket fuelled blood bath, you better start brainstorming.

Gone are the days of the crisp and understated “looking for one Pop Tarts ticket x”.