The definitive list of everyone you’ll meet at Sport Sheffield

You’ve had a few too many sausage butties from John’s van, and if walking up the hills in Sheffield isn’t enough of a workout for you, you’ll probably find yourself in S10 gym. It’s quite the mix of characters, however…

The Fanatic 

She’s painfully enthusiastic, and has a hyperactive grin on her face. She runs up the steps to the spinning corner and does 25 burpees just whilst waiting for the instructor to turn up. Shouts things like “Come on girls, you can do it” and manages to never get out of breath.

The Rowing Machine Lad 

You’re doing a gentle warm-up on the rowing machine when suddenly it feels like you’re in a wind tunnel as the whoosh of the machines takes your breathe away and there’s a blur of black and gold next to you. That’s right, you’ve found yourself situated next to a rowing team lad. You can spot them a mile off – 0% body fat, protein shake in hand, and usually a squeamishly tight lycra body suit. Has the word “Varsity” tattooed on his hand to remind him that pain = gain.

The Selfie-Crazy Lad 

Hardly does anything, but likes to lounge around on the weight machines and talks loudly about how he can bench his own body weight. Practices his pout in the mirror before taking a selfie and captioning it “The lighting was just too good not to”. One word: smug.

The Trier

She’s usually lanky, wears glasses, walks in wearing some old jogging bottoms and her PhySoc sweatshirt. She struggles to pick up a 2kg dumb bell, but God loves a trier. Someone needs to tell her that quidditch is more her sport.

The Trier

The “midlife crisis” lecturer 

He walks into the gym, bags under eyes and a t-shirt with last night’s Balti King down it. He sits down on the bike next to you and has his head in his hands for the first 5 minutes. He looks at the sky, hands on beer belly, asking why his wife left him for the gardener. He attempts a few sit ups, but ends up just lying there wondering where he went wrong in life.

The Sabrecats

You’re sweating profusely on the treadmill, when horror strikes you… the Sabrecats have descended en masse. Have you ever seen a lone sabrecat? They move as a pack, unsurprisingly always sporting their uniforms and always looking immaculate – S10 being no exception.

Do they ever break a sweat? Is their hair ever messy?  Meanwhile you’ve gone as red as a tomato and are seriously regretting wearing a grey top to the gym today.

The swimmer 

You’re having a great time swimming up and down in the pool, bobbing along looking around at the world, wondering what you’re going to get from the co-op for dinner, when suddenly a tsunami washes over you. Yes, that’s right, a member of the swimming team has decided to join you in the pool.

The Hungover Rugby Lad

He walks in sweating before he’s even got on the treadmill, is wearing last night’s corp shoes and stinks of booze. He does a quick ten minutes on the treadmill before running off to be sick. He comes back with prowess, however, and manages to smash a 10K in 45 minutes.

The Couple

Spend their time doing sit ups opposite each other and kissing when they sit up. She giggles loudly at his jokes, and he nearly passes out when he tries to lift a 15kg weight, which is just embarrassing for all involved.

The Three Musketeers

They all walk in laughing like a pack of hyenas, and then just stand there…doing nothing. They loll around on the bikes for a few minutes, before going and taking up space in the free weights area just talking about what happened in Code the other night. One of them might do a token star jump, but other than that they just take up space. The kind of people who walk around in gym wear when they’re not even on the way to the gym.

The “No Messing Around” One 

She walks in with the focus of Steel City’s very own Jessica Ennis-Hill. She’s going for Gold in this work out. She takes off her hoody to reveal a “Running Society” T-shirt, and you know they aren’t ones to mess around. After a five minute warm-up, she sets off on her hour long run, eyes fixed on the crappy picture of a stadium.

The one who tries to start a conversation

You know the type. They watch you with an anticipatory smile on their face while you do your squats, and make small talk with things like “Not too busy in here this evening, is it?”, or “Ooh, knew I shouldn’t have eaten all those Broomhill Friery Chips in first year” while patting their tummy. You just have to nod and cut your workout short.