Everything that will happen to you at Tuesday Club

Tuesday club has increased in popularity every year and with tickets becoming highly sort after, more and more people are being inducted into the union’s top night.

Here is our definitive list of everything that will happen to you when you go to the hallowed halls of Tuesday Club.

Immediately you will realise that your garms are not wavy enough

Having spent time deciding what you want to wear, curating the perfect outfit you’ll arrive in your jeans and casual t-shirt to be dramatically upstaged by wildly patterned charity shop and bucket hat combination.

You vow that next time, this will not happen and then you will raid Division Street’s vintage shops to ensure that you up your game.

What a shirt

Someone will be kicked out with for illicit substances

So you’re taking a moment in the smoking area to collect your breath and shock there is someone being bodily escorted from the premises with their jaw on the floor. They mellowly, wistfully accept their fate or they may try and kick off.

Either way the resulting judgement from the revellers still having fun is however the same and universal. You fool.

You will at some point lose everyone you came with

In the midst of your enthusiastic dancing you will at some point end up on your own and the best thing to do is embrace it. Your mate went to the toilet an hour ago and is yet to return but are you really bothered? Keep throwing shapes like you’re surrounded by all of your best pals.

Go for it

However, you will make 1000 new friends in the smoking area

After a solid 45 minuets of solo dancing, you decide it is probably best to make sure your mates are okay and head to the smoking area. In a wonderful turn of events, not only do you find all your pals, you make a host of new ones, bonding over the fun you are no doubt having.

You will also wake up to frankly bizarre friend requests or worse the notification that some random has accepted your friend request. Sound.

There will be a host of people with untouched Red Stripes

It is just an unspoken rule of Tuesday Club. Either you grab a bottle of water (stay hydrated kids) or a Red Stripe. There will be no-one sporting a claw full of VKs so don’t even think about it.

You going to drink that?

You’ll spot the rogue moron with an entire bottle of prosecco

Clearly at one point someone thought this was a good idea but a half an hour of carrying an entire bottle around only leads to drinking it faster so as to avoid carrying it. Two guesses how that ends up. Save yourselves.

Spot the bottle

The transition from wanting a coveted Tuesday Club photo to never wanting to be seen by humans again

At the start of the night your hair and make-up is flawless and you are ready to bag yourself a coveted Tuesday Club photo. Whether you need to stalk to photographer while maintaining a carefree, lackaday attitude or barge people out of your shot your willing to do whatever it takes.

However, as the night gets more sweaty and you begin to look unkempt at best, the game changes and the dive out of the camera’s gaze is a strenuous but necessary action.

You will be barged out of the way by overzealous gun fingers

If you are brave enough to go to the front of the crowd you have to expect to be hit by the odd stray finger gun. If your a smaller girl, its best to be on alert as you are at prime bass-drop elbow height.

Steady

The girl squads will look fab

One thing you can count on is that the girls will bring their A games and will look great while enjoying the set. A mixture of hoop earrings, edgy tops and nose piercings have created a top group pick. Flustered faces? Not here.

Amazing

Everyone will be unified by the fear of the lights coming on

It is always the way that the end of the night comes too soon and as the harsh lights come up, there is a unifying element to the sight of the lights coming up. The instant and natural reaction is to scuttle away as fast as is humanly possible.