Five things you will undoubtedly find in your first year flat

They’re unavoidable

Your year living in halls is character building. Nobody can explain the brown stains on the carpet, why the fridge no longer works or where the microwave actually went. There are certain things that every single resident of Endcliffe and Ranmoor will undoubtedly find in their first year uni kitchen. Here’s a checklist of the inevitable.

That random guy in your flat after a night out

It happens to the best of us. You don’t know how he got there, he probably doesn’t know how he got there, but it’s now three in the afternoon and he’s still asleep on your kitchen table.

Yes, he’s wearing your flatmate’s dressing gown, yes you probably recognise him from last week’s Corp TV, and yes he smells like last night’s Broomhill Friary, but he made your taxi cheaper so can we really complain? You’ll probably never see him again.

Thank you random guy asleep on our kitchen table.

Who are you?

The Ranmoor Cat

So your flatmate’s taken a bit of an obsession with the random cat that wanders around campus.
It’s got its own name, personality, and Facebook page and before you know it, it’s in your kitchen eating that ten-week old tin of tuna and the rest of the milk your flatmates have spent the last three days arguing over.
Now you have no food, a strongly worded email from security and a flat that stinks of cat wee. And no, we don’t sympathise with you either.

Miscellaneous Road Signs

We’ve all done this one. The road barrier. The shopping trolley. The traffic cone your residence mentor ‘suggests’ you stop hiding in your kitchen cupboard. We’ve all had one guys. And we can all agree that marching an 8 foot 5 for sale sign into university accommodation at half five in the morning is the epitome of ‘top banter’.
Your mates found it hilarious but the cleaner didn’t. There really is nowhere to hide a for sale sign. Even in the mop cupboard. Just don’t even try it.


A hole in the ceiling

You don’t know how it happened but maintenance are charging you 25 quid for each roof tile you’ve broken and not even the flat’s engineer can fix it. You’ve gotten away with breaking the freezer, the fire door, a microwave, three toilet seats and one of your flatmate’s ribs, but the flat upstairs can now see through their floor so you’re probably not hiding this one.

A questionable brown stain in your carpet

It’s probably what you think it is. Just hope it’s not you that did it, and lands yourself a rep that will ruin the rest of first year.

Don’t be that guy.