The stages you go through when your flatmate’s friends from home come to stay

So much pressure


We’ve all been there. Your best friend in the flat has their mates from home coming to stay for the night. You have a thorough plan of action, from who you’re inviting to pre-drinks to impress them, right through to the compulsory 3am trip to Balti King.

The Prep

It begins with excitement and anticipation. The flat is hoovered, the dishes are washed, a pack of cards is prepared for “ring of fire” or some equally horrific drinking game. You think about what to wear for your first meeting – you don’t want to look too polished as if you’re trying to impress them, but you also don’t want to look like you’ve been dragged through a bush backwards.

Forget meeting your boyfriend’s parents for the first time – this is 100x more stressful. What if they don’t approve? What if they already hate you for stealing their friend from them? What if they don’t like your trainers?

Get scrubbing

The Meeting

You hear them arrive, the laughing in the corridor and loud woops as they throw your friend up in the air, delighted to see him for the first time in a month. You take a deep breath and leave the comfort and safety of your bedroom. You don’t know what they know about you, and equally, they don’t know what’s been said about them. Was it really him who slept with the PE teacher?

You pour a drink and hope for the best.

The Pre-Drinks

The first hour is always awkward. They share their in-jokes between themselves, and they all have jobs so drink high quality vodka and foreign beers from a bottle. You’re jealous. Their drinks are way better than your Aldi white label vodka and a tin of Foster’s.

You sit looking at your phone hoping they’ll engage in some form of casual conversation.  

My Alcohol Game vs Your Alcohol Game

The tipsy stage

As you all get a bit drunker, like most things, it gets a bit easier. You get to dish the dirt on your mate and hear some equally juicy stories in return. Stormzy is playing full mega blast out of the speakers and the fit girls from the course your mate has invited to impress his friends have arrived. We can finally breathe again.

In the club

You all dance together, slightly awkwardly at first, but by the time ‘Mr Brightside’ has come on they’re your long-lost best friends, arms wrapped around each other swaying to the beautiful sound of The Killers.

You’re all my new BFFs!

Balti King

Uh-oh. You grab a taxi back to Broomhill and get a table in Balti King. Warning: You can judge someone by the curry they order. A chicken korma = Wuss. A vindaloo = Cocky rugby lad. Be medium-spiced neutral. Go for a madras.

Some can’t handle the Sheffield traditions

The Next Day

You walk into the kitchen to make a cup of tea, only to find three sweaty, half naked men asleep in the lounge. The smell of post-beer alcohol trumps is unbearable as you stumble to the kettle to make a drink trying to be as quiet as possible. After they’ve gone, you sit and have the obligatory morning-after debrief with a brew. Your mate goes mad that one of you slept with his wing-man from home.

You realise you haven’t got a clue which one was which. Who calls their friend Nobby when they’re actually called Samuel? Too confusing for those not in the inner circle.