I only ate ‘mini’ foods for a week in an attempt to invent my own diet craze

For hundreds of years, diets have been the ultimate societal obsession, and the social media age has only added to this. Be it the Paleo diet, the tiny cutlery diet, the grapefruit diet or the classic Atkins, diets are an inescapable part of our obsession with how we look.

So I decided to make my own diet. Avoiding the confusion of meticulously counting calories, the disgusting acidity of eating a grapefruit with every meal or the frankly baffling ‘no carb’ approach, I thought logically and came up with a solution: the Mini Diet.

Mini baettenberg <3

In short, I decided to only eat things with the prefix ‘mini’ (or a synonym thereof) for a week, and note the effects on my general wellbeing. This approach seemed like the perfect solution because smaller foods equals fewer calories. That’s just science.

Throughout the week I pioneered some basic meal plans using only tiny foods. A minuscule vegetable stir fry went down a treat, and is an essential addition to any host/hostess’ repertoire. Not only is this option tasty, but it’s ludicrously good for you. So far, so good.

All five of your five a day in one delicious meal

Next, I took a more Iceland-inspired route and bought some pre-made small-scale delicacies for my own pleasure. Ideal for when you’re in a rush, the mini pizza came in extra handy after a busy day at uni.

Making mini pizzas look tiny helps when ur a giant

Also available from the frozen section: mini kievs. Super helpful for feeding the family, or if you’re just in one of those moods to eat a fuck load of diminutive chicken kievs. We’ve all been there.

Enthusiasm levels at an all time low

Having been spurred on by my miniature food success at the beginning of the week, I moved onto creating a plethora of three-course meals entirely from ‘mini’ foods. For example, this delectable offering of a mini pork pie, a mini cheddar and a petit filous, which loosely translates as mini filous.However, unsatisfied with my limited three-course menu, I decided that tomorrow’s dinner would more interestingly consist of a starter, a main course and a dessert.

These courses took the form of a mini spring roll, a mini sausage pastry, and a mini doughnut. In hindsight, in order to recreate a true Michelin star experience the two days could be combined into a six course mega-mini-meal, for a special occasion.

Essentially, at this point I had proven not only that the mini foods diet is possible, but that the possibilities are endless. Having a dinner party? Introduce your family and friends to this incredible way of life, before serving them one of the above suggested three-coursers, or by creating your own.

Mmm doughnuts

But don’t let it be said that the diet stops here. For those of you with an active lifestyle who actually eat breakfast in the mornings, I created the mini cereal experience. Use any tiny vessel for this enjoyable morning meal: an egg cup, a thimble, a bottle top or anything similar. The smaller the better.

Breakfast is the most important mini meal of the day

The Mini Diet also caters for your snacking needs – I really did think of everything. My tiny snack of choice was the good old-fashioned mini babybel, but the possibilities here are truly infinite. Mini eclairs are a favourite, and you can’t go wrong with a mini sausage roll. Whatever you have, make sure it’s small, and you only eat one of it.

Lunchbox throwback

Having conquered the diet side of this diet, I decided to embrace the mini lifestyle a bit more deeply. Inspired by my hero Leo in the Revenant, I went method. But instead of sleeping inside animal carcasses and chowing down on raw liver, I tried to embrace miniature products in as many aspects of my life as possible. And it felt great.

After all, travel size toiletries are the equivalent of the mini food item. Using tiny items in my daily routine really helped me to physically and spiritually engage with this new life I had chosen to live.

Enough shampoo for two uses

I will admit that towards the end of my trial week a bit of repetition crept in, but the boredom is worth the effects of this diet. After 7 days of eating tiny amounts of tiny food, I felt revitalised, recuperated and re-energised. And best of all, I felt skinnier afterwards. “Small foods = small calories” – science.

Going forward, I’m seriously considering moving to the mini diet full time. The overall effects are worth the initial fear of such minor obstacles of hunger, tiredness and banality. My friends noticed how upbeat and good-looking I was all of a sudden, and it’s all down to the mini diet.

You should try it.