Getting hench doesn’t make you attractive, you just become a tragic clone

Your guns aren’t fooling anyone

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It’s February, and while the new year, new me Facebook statuses are finally no more, and the majority of your pointless resolutions have already been abandoned, there is one fad that just doesn’t seem to be fading. It happens every year, and there’s no escaping it. A new batch of boys have taken it upon themselves to get hench.

It’s a sad phenomenon. The slow and steady demise of yet another group of normal guys into empty and vapid individuals, consumed by a new found vigour to bulk. Of course, they’re imaging that with a bod like the hulk the girls will come running, they’ll find themselves a winter girlfriend and they’ll finally be recognised as the ultimate alpha males that they are. What they don’t realise is that they’ll actually just become really, painfully tragic.

I can’t be the only girl thinking it.  Nowadays too many boys think that benching a few heavy weights in the gym is going to turn them into David Beckham. Last time you went on Facebook even nerdy Kevin from sixth form had somehow developed arms the size of double decker buses – but what he doesn’t realise is that no amount of muscle is suddenly going to change his persona.

While Kevin may now be able to pull on nights out, wear dangerously low v-neck vests and generally act like he’s walked off the set of Geordie Shore, everybody that knows him will see that his new found bravado is really just one big facade.

It’s basically the male equivalent of a basic bitch – Kevin will work out non stop in order to gain a sense of purpose. With a protein shake surgically attached to one hand, and a dumbbell in the other, he might be proud of his bulked up body,  but the majority of girls will be able to see the desperation radiating off of him from a mile away.

Theres an unsung allure about a guy who doesn’t succumb to a world of protein and muscles – a guy who says no to a life in the gym, and embraces his natural frame, be it skinny, or be it a dad bod. You only have to look at heart-throbs like Leonardo DiCaprio to see it. Perhaps the most lusted after man in the world, you don’t see Leo posting topless selfies, or chasing the perfect six pack. The simple fact is that girls are looking for more than just a set of muscles.

This guy doesn’t pre prepare his protein and do 50 sit ups after every meal. This guy doesn’t grunt at himself in the gym mirror, and get his mate to take pictures of his back muscles. He eats a large pizza with no qualms, and goes out on weekends without worrying about the calories. He has a life beyond the world of getting ripped. He has substance.

Whilst guys like Kevin are strutting around like Peter Andre in his ‘mysterious girl’ video, circa 96, flashing their abs to everybody who will look, this guy does his own thing. He doesn’t need guns to get a girl.

This guy is the physical embodiment of the saying, ‘treat them mean, keep them keen.’ His unpolished physique says “I know who I am, and I don’t need to prove it to you.” While Kevin runs around, desperately seeking gains in oder to impress all the ladies, this guy is cool, calm and collected. He might not have a six pack, but he has character.

There is nothing less attractive in life than a try hard, and while in principle muscles are great, for some, the by-product is a vain, desperate and cringeworthy clone.