I had a shower in the IC, and it was awful

Three out of 10 – would not recommend

The IC shower is an enigma. We all know it’s there somewhere, but very few of us have ever muscled up the courage to find it and use it. However, exam season can leave everyone with a case of the stress sweats, and with some people choosing to embrace the library as their home of choice throughout January, it’s important to keep hygienic for the sake of your fellow peers.

I work as a lifeguard, and after a particularly moist shift and subsequent bike ride to the IC, I was reluctant to unleash the smell of my armpits on any poor innocents forced to share a table with me. Keen to get my nine grand’s worth of all the IC had to offer, I decided to take a plunge into the unknown, and brave a shower.

It’s far from luxury

Unbeknown to most, the IC shower is located on level one based next to the information desk. It boasts a number of pleasant features, including zero windows, hideous harsh lighting reminiscent of the lifts, and nowhere to put your stuff to stop it getting wet. The place was also disturbingly roomy, leaving me feeling exposed and more naked than I’d ever felt in my life.

Everything in the IC was, by now, at breaking point – both lifts were out of order, plug sockets didn’t work, and I was ready to fuck off to the Diamond. Could the shower be the IC’s final redeeming factor?

My expectations were set low as I stripped off and stepped gingerly onto the cold floor. Wanting to get the experience over as quickly as possible, I turned on the shower and waited for the water to warm up. It was, at best, tepid, and as the lukewarm water flowed over me I realised this was the most uncomfortable shower of my life. This was worse than changing for PE at school. The realisation dawned on me I was the only naked person in the IC, a horrifying concept.

Not sure how to feel about library nudity

It very quickly became clear that the IC shower just wasn’t for me, but my experience just continued to get worse and worse. In my haste to get the whole ordeal over with, I’d forgotten to take my contacts out, therefore effectively blinding myself when I shampooed up. Moaning in agony, I frantically rinsed by hair and clawed for the conditioner. It was only then that  I realised the importance of pre-shower preparation – I had no spare contacts with me, and would have to spend the rest of my revision session with limited vision.

I’d also forgotten makeup wipes, and there was nowhere to dry my hair. After towelling myself dry and quickly redressing, I hopped next door to the toilets, where I experimented with using the hand dryer to dry my hair, and attempted to use some tissue to lessen the effects of my ruined makeup.

Not feeling fresh

I couldn’t help but think that if I had just gone home then the whole process would have been significantly less stressful.

With burning eyes, wet shoes and an afro thanks to the hand dryer, I stepped back onto level one and spent the next five hours in a perpetual state of shame and clamminess.

I’d give the experience a 3/10, would not recommend.