All you need to know about one night stand etiquette

Though fun at the time, every one night stand inevitably comes hand in hand with a variety of awkward trials and tribulations. But don’t panic just yet, we’re here to guide you through and make that morning after slightly less excruciating than it inevitably always is.

You’ve forgotten their name

Okay so probably the last thing you want to hear in the morning is that the person you’ve brought back has no idea what your called. To avoid inflicting this on your one night stand there are are a couple choice ways you can find it out. Firstly, you can look around the room for any books or cards that may have their name on – pretend to be looking for your socks. Failing that any kind of post is ideal if you can get your hands on it. Happy hunting.

Close but not quite

Small talk

Potentially the quickest way that everything can take a turn for the disastrous. Though honesty is the best policy, if the night wasn’t the most thrilling of your life you probably don’t want to say that. Bit blunt. Instead use a variety of platitudes to extract yourself from the situation – clichés work best. Shouting you “had fun” and that you should “do it again sometime” as you waltz out the door is the perfect way of not seeming cold while remaining vague and noncommittal. You’re welcome.

Hospitality

If you have taken the party back to your place then try and make sure your hospitality is up to scratch without going overboard and serving a three course meal. A cup of tea or another drink is sweet, maybe even accompanied by a cheeky slice of toast. If you find yourself making eggs, sausage and bacon then you’re probably going a bit over the top, but basic refreshments can really clear the air.

Always appreciated

Hoodie 

A controversial topic to say the least. Guys, chances are if a girl is leaving yours she’s going to be wearing shorts or a dress teamed with smudged makeup wholly inappropriate for a Sunday morning. If she wants a hoodie it’s probably to make the best of a bad situation. Be a love and oblige. Gals, unless your planning to create a shrine to your one night stand and worship it do give the hoodie back at some point. Contrary to popular opinion most of us don’t really want to keep them as trophies.

It’s the least you can do

Getting out of dodge

There are two sides to this coin depending on if you are in your own house or not. If you’re the guest, while the suggestion isn’t that you leap of bed at 7am, if you can, outstaying your welcome is also a no no. If it is getting dark again and their flatmates are begging to discuss the next night’s antics, you gots to go. On the other hand, if you’re in your own house a clever lie will help to speed their departure, an early morning sport, an impending visit from parents or lecture depending on the day and how quick you need them to vanish.

Time to say goodbye

Afterwards

The last thing you want to do is add them on every possible form of social media the moment you get home, keen doesn’t even cover it. If you’ve got their number a similar rule applies, no one wants to wake up with 16 texts and a declaration of love mere hours after a one night stand- reign in your affection.