Boys: Please stop sending us your penis portraits

We’re done with your dick pics


The One on Tinder, has started a conversation. His simple “Hey” and wink face indicates that he finds you just as attractive as you find him.

The flanter commences and you admit he’s the best right swipe you’ve ever made. He makes you feel like a supermodel and you play it cool letting him see you’re active but just making him wait for a reply.

But then suddenly there’s a throbbing, erect penis filling your phone screen. The conversation, much like the lust you felt for this boy, is dead.

Men shouldn’t send dick pics.

It needs to be asked why men want to send photos of just their genitals. Do they think we’ll get turned on? Do they think we’ll want to send a close up of our vajay back? Do they just want to send it before we inevitably ask for it?

First year Geographer Aran Uner said: “It’s because they’re confident about their size or girth, but also they think that by sending them they’re going to receive a nude photo back.

“This is obviously unlikely if it’s unsolicited. It’s more likely that she’ll tell all her friends and they’ll laugh about it.” Sounds about right.

There’s nothing wrong with being proud about your size or girth, in fact you should be actively encouraged to love every part of your body, but realistically a photograph is never going to do your manhood justice.

Women tend to like a little mystery about a man. The penis is the forbidden fruit, hidden behind low slung jeans, waiting patiently for its grand appearance. Ultimately, your genitals are pretty grim, and when we consider your assets, what it can do is far more important than what it looks like.

Most girls who have received a photo of a penis out of the blue can probably vouch that they were not aroused by the sight, and those who ask for them probably expected a little more than a zoomed in close up. Cerys, a first year, confirms that they don’t make her horny. “I’ll usually laugh or cringe if I receive one.”

The flash is so 2008 too

Maybe if men put as much effort into taking nude photos as women are known to, the result might be more acceptable. A woman’s nude photo is a pure work of art.

The chances that she’s spent well over twenty minutes finding the perfect lighting, filter and pose, whereas a penis picture doesn’t even require the male to fully remove his trouser, or even move from the position in which he was sat sending his pre-dick pic message.

Nude photo connoisseur and computer scientist Rachel Wilmshurst said: ‘”Us girls spend the best part of half an hour trying to find the right angle for both our sideboob and ‘come to bed eyes’.

“Guys, you could at least give us five minutes of your time and make sure that your dirty underwear and overflowing bin isn’t peeking out from behind your ‘class A dong’.”

Keep your class A dong to yourself pls

This isn’t to say that we don’t advocate freedom to send photos of whatever you like, unless it’s unsolicited of course, but the point is the male nude photo could, and should, be taken so much more tastefully.

Maybe include some stomach, some thighs, maybe a bicep or, even better, a face. It’s not just men this applies to, it’s the same for women as well – although a genital close up is pretty rare for us.

Politics fresher Caitlin Ward said: “Taking a picture of your dick is like sending a pic of your vagina, and that cave is never pretty on its own.”

Bodies are beautiful so rather than that close up of your bare, clammy crotch, why not show the whole thing off? So to all men out there, us women do not generally get aroused by a photograph of your genitals. In many cases it’s completely off-putting and in sometimes even frightening.

Put some effort into your nudes, and if ever you get the overwhelming desire to send us a picture, please warn us or, even better, wait until we ask you for it.