How to behave in Western Bank

When it comes to revision spaces, Western Bank is not for the meek or mild. For the minority of us who still insist on flaunting the unspoken, yet clearly very prominent rules of the reading room, here’s an in-depth guide to the correct WB etiquette.

Stunning

No PDA on the sofas

The charming slate grey lounge area to the right hand side of the book reservation point can usually be considered an oasis from the deafening silence and strict, unspoken rules of the study room. Don’t abuse that.

Consider it reserved for time outs, meltdowns and brief, vital phonecalls. It’s absolutely not okay to start engaging in low level spooning, limb-rubbing, and in some cases, lap dancing with your boyfriend, girlfriend or significant other.

PDA has little place anywhere, but it certainly doesn’t belong in Western Bank.

Control yourselves

Strict silence at all times

It’s widely accepted protocol that if you can’t not only abide by, but embrace, the Monastic silence of the Mezzanine you can take yourself straight back down Bolsover Street and into the IC where you belong.

Would you loudly crunch your way through a packet of Monster Munch or start conducting a group project meeting in a Monastery? No, of course you wouldn’t; so apply the same level of respect here.

Every unnecessary vibration of your iPhone shatters through those wooden desks and into somebody else’s personal space like a sudden gunshot to the head. We’ve all got mates, we all have people to text, we don’t insist on ruining some else’s concentration to prove it.

You are an awful human being 

Remember your U-Card

Treat that U-Card like a vital organ. Some, albeit a very small minority, go as far as to buy their own landyard and hang it from their necks. Definitely don’t do that, but consider it part of you and keep it on your person at all times.

There is nothing more distressing or chaos inducing than leaving your U-Card in your jacket, making your way back through the security barrier and embarking on an ill thought out toilet trip.

“No I’m not from Hallam” you hiss at the librarian as you plead with her to let you back in, and the 10 sets of eyes from the queue behind you burn through your soul. It just screams school boy.

Vital

Keep your feet to yourself

If you’re clever enough to get respectable A Levels and a place at a Russell Group redbrick, you’re clever enough to recognize, and abide by certain social norms.

Keeping your God-awful feet firmly in your shoes and not waving your gammy little toes around in someone’s eyeline is one of them. People lose sleep over sights like that. There’s absolutely no leeway on this.

Utterly foul

Behave around plugs

If you’re one of the select few lucky enough to bag a window seat in the morning, notoriously the only slither of the room with any form of electrical access, don’t start mugging people off when it comes to the dreaded plug share.

The silent code of conduct is absolutely no excuse for unplugging someone’s laptop cable, replacing it with your own on the sly and then quietly watching your victim descend into meltdown as they lose 3000 words of work an hour later. It’s morally repugnant and it makes you a horrible person. End of.

This is all your fault