Sheffield’s funniest club confessions

Let’s face it, we’ve all had ‘one of those nights’.

We’ve got hold of a few of your club confessions…and they’re not pretty.

1) My dinner wanted to join the party at Tuesday Club.

Third year Business and Hispanic Studies student

“One night, the heat, loud music and concoction of various alcohols in my body really got the better of me in Tuesday Club.

“Suddenly, I felt an almighty warmth rising from the bottom of my stomach. ‘I’m going to be sick, I told myself.

“Things escalated quickly. ‘Stay here you can keep it down’ instantly changed to ‘where the f*** are the toilets’. As I tried with all my might to burst through the crowd and find the nearest toilet, i quickly realised it was too late.

“A circle of horrified faces had formed a metre radius around me as my own vomit gushed out of my mouth.

“In a quick attempt to save myself, I crafted my dress into a makeshift bowl beneath my mouth, revealing my all and the entirety of my projectile to the rest of Foundry and Fusion.”

2) My Halloween nightmare.

Second year Journalism student

“I was so excited for my first Halloween at uni, and I’m never one to do things half-heartedly. So as the night arrived, I painted my face a ghostly white and squirted fake blood all over myself.

“With no time for pre-drinks, the drinks were flowing as soon as we arrived at Plug.

“Upon our return back inside from the smoking area, I jumped on my (evidently smaller than me) flatmate, sending us careering onto the sticky nightclub floor.

“Somehow, I managed to smash my face on the edge of the stage on my way down. I started laughing, simply to avoid to the tears.

“My flatmates face however, wasn’t laughing. It was one of shock, confusion, stifled laughter and horror. My hands were instantly covered in blood, and I felt it trickling down my face and neck.

“With the alcohol and goriness getting the better of me, I burst into tears as my friend escorted me to Plug’s medical room.

“Naturally, my friend reasoned that taking Snapchats of my misfortune was more worthwhile than actually nursing me.

“With blood still gushing, we were then told we were too drunk to be in the club, and i was consequently escorted out,and left bleeding on the street.”

3) Two vodka lemonades and a new pair of underwear please.

Heather, second year Dentistry student

“I’d never been to DQ before and wanted to find out what all the fuss was about. A few hours in and the night was going well… until they decided to set off an indoor firework of confetti.

“I’d never had a weak bladder before, and I’m fairly sure i don’t have a family history of it- but this was the night that everything changed.

“The firework went off with such a bang that I literally wet myself.

“I instantly felt it creep down my leg and although I tried to hide it, it was impossible.

“Weirdly, but luckily, my friend gave me her underwear as I was wearing a skirt.

“It’s fair to say I definitely wasn’t getting any that night.”

4) Poo did it?

Matt, third year medic

“So it was our first ever flat party and we invited everyone we knew.  Our  8 person Derwent flat was filled with at least 50 people, sweaty bodies spilling out from almost every room.

“Good music blaring, drinks flowing and everyone having fun, we all started to smell something… something not right. It was only until about half an hour later that I realised.

“A poo. A human poo in the corner of the room.

“In a state of disbelief I informed my other flatmates, who then had to shut off the music to get everyone’s attention.

“Obviously our party guests were as horrified as we were, and consequently our flat emptied out in a grand total of about 2 minutes.

“That was nearly 2 years ago, and to this day we have no idea who did it.”

5) Last night a DJ saved my life

David, second year Politics student

“It was my first trip to Corp and I thought I was ready. I’d heard about the rainbow challenge and was thoroughly excited at the prospect of trying it.

“We got to Corp and it was everything I had expected, but worse.

“As the night went on and the rainbow challenged progressed, I got more and more drunk. I’d just made it to the upstairs room but the floor was that slippy, I literally fell like a sack of shit straight onto it.

“I whacked my head on the floor, but thought nothing of it, so like a true trooper,  got straight back up and carried on dancing.

“I started to feel dizzy though, so i stumbled up to the DJ booth in a drunken search for help. He seemed concerned, and ended up sitting me down and nursing me back to health with an ice pack.

“I felt as good as new and continued throwing my shapes on the dance floor.”

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