How not to be a dick in Freshers

Here’s some crucial life lessons they don’t tell you in any uni prospectus.

Learn from these classic mistakes and you won’t go far wrong this year.

Don’t sleep with your flatmates

New freshers: avoid the incestuous flat situation like the plague.

Obviously you’ll be excited and keen to build bridges, but awkward sex isn’t the best way to achieve friendship status.

Ignore what the Jaeger is saying. You cannot pretend it never happened with someone you’ll be living with all year.

Flanter

Don’t be sick in an intro lecture 

No more needs to be said. You’ll forever be known as the person who threw up in their first lecture.

You’ll probably lose marks.

Don’t bother going in if your massively hungover

Similarly, if you’re on the verge of a public projectile just don’t bother attending uni. It’s one thing for you, but its a whole other breed of mood kill for the rest of the lecture hall.

Do you really want to be known as the sweaty gremlin at the front who looks and smells like a back alley vagrant? No, no you don’t.

“Help”

Don’t lose your ID

Get two types if you can. Or just act your age.

There’s always one who looses their ID, cries a bit, then guilt-trips the rest of the group into attending the SU’s lukewarm Freshers’ events for the rest of the week.

Don’t beg for Poptarts tickets on Facebook groups.

The epitome of tragic. Just go somewhere better.

Don’t dress up for Corp

Corp’s questionable reputation for being the grottiest night out in Sheffield should not be taken lightly- donning the white shirt and tie is a must.

If you think making an effort will help you stand out you’re wrong. You’ll look like a pleb.

Granted, you don’t look much better

Look after your friends

This may seem obvious, but when the temptation of a one night stand overcomes that of helping your paralytic flatmate waddle to Broomhill Friery for cheesy chips, you’ll regret it in the morning.

He knows the Friery comes first

Stay classy

It doesn’t matter how many milliliters of vodka you can neck in a second, know your limit and curb it for the first few nights.

Being scraped out of a bush and into an ambulance by Endcliffe security is neither cool, nor clever.

Overdoing it will probably lead to copious amounts of dry-humping, embarrassment, sick, and regret.

Elegant

Don’t run out of money

Those savings you spent your entire summer working for? Blowing them on 70 Jager Bombs in Plug may win you a few friends, but it’s also a months worth of food money. You’ll regret it.

Please be my friend? Please?