Top sexual blunders and how to avoid them

1. Napping

So it’s 3 am; you and the guy you spotted across the dance floor just an hour ago are already back to your flat. You’re tired and lets be honest, have had more than one too many Jägerbombs. Somehow you both manage to get undressed and next thing you know they’re passed out in your bed. There’s really no way to avoid it…

Jaeger Coma

2. Clothes just won’t come off?

Clothing can be a tricky thing to deal with after a night out at the best of times, particularly those pesky laces that you can just about undo sober. So, you’re getting all cosy with your date, boyfriend, or the guy whose name you’re not quite sure of, and your shoes just won’t come off. You end up faffing around for a good ten minutes trying to undo your shoes. Just don’t wear laces.

Laces are so difficult…

3.  Farting.

There’s quite literally nothing else that could entirely ruin the mood like it but when you’re both paying attention to…other things…it can happen. If you do ever happen to be in this situation, you could just pretend it never happened and carry on, quickly spraying some perfume and acting as nonchalant as you can possibly muster. Or alternatively ask them to leave. Probably the latter.

Absolutely vital for any encounter.

4. The…ahem…noises.

Student houses don’t provide the sturdiest furniture.  Has your squeaky Ikea bed ever completely ruined the mood, whilst also letting your house mates know exactly what you’re up to? Why not mix things up and hit the floor! Less comfy, but will save you all kinds of awkwardness in the morning.

It’s ok, they’re bound to stop soon…

5. Don’t be silly, wrap your… Oh, wait.

Like the classic Rachel and Monica condom fight in Friends, what do you do when your stash is empty and so’s his wallet, apart from that one lucky condom he’s had since he was 13? Obviously, don’t just forget about it and carry on. There’ll be somebody in your flat more than happy to swap for a bag of your most expensive crisps. Or just eat the crisps and use the packet.

That’s a joke. Don’t do that.

These probably won’t do.