Why you should stop judging me for using Wikipedia.

We’ve all been there, at least once: melting with shame as you methodically scour a Wikipedia article relating to something which, in truth, you know lies in the £250 text book you should’ve bought during first year.

But, without regret, this is the life you have chosen – eyes darting frantically from left to right, and back again. To assimilate information, you speak in tongues under your breath; each word falling into the next, until you finally find what you’ve been looking for in plain back-and-white, albeit lacking depth and validity. It’ll do, mediocrity is something to strive for when you find yourself in dire straights (which is almost always).

Wikipedia, your last bastion, has pulled you from the brink of defeat once more.

The font of all knowledge.

Society makes the common Wikipedia user feel dirty and ignominious – they can be identified by wearing heat-resistant hats, so frequent do the glares of fellow students burn into the back of their heads.

When someone who’s ‘straight edge’ sees a creature as described earlier – the possessed student with quivering eyes – they feel filthy, embarrassed and self-righteous, like seeing a homeless man eat his dog on Christmas day morning, “Oh god, to be in that position, can you imagine?” This sort of loathing and benevolent pity stems from jealousy.

“Save me, Wikipedia!”

Deep down, they know that the panic and trepidation you exhibit is only superficial. They would like to think that you do this because you’re incompetent, lazy, but they know that’s not the truth.

The truth is that, being in this position is a by-product of the hedonistic lifestyle that you live. The fact that you sporadically ‘sesh’ the library for a few hours every other month to a standard of a 2:1 infuriates people. Whilst they live their life as described in the university brochure, you live yours straight out of the pages of Fear and Loathing, yet on paper, you achieve as they do.

And anyway, in terms of actually pumping out genuine, helpful information, Wikipedia doesn’t fair that bad: One nonconformist history student believes that “it’s great for a round up of all the major facts and figures related to certain historical events”.

Now that’s all well and good, but if your going to start using Wikipedia as an actual manuscript on which to base your writings, be creative with your word choice (you don’t need me to tell you this)- a good technique is to open a thesaurus in a tab alongside the article, changing certain adjectives that would otherwise blow your whole operation wide open.

“Isotropous” eh? I can pretend I know what that means…

Another handy instrument which Wikipedia offers is the fact that it references most of its content, giving you the option to seek original sources, or to just steal a reference to give your essay that authentic look.

Be sure to take heed when using these methods- everyone’s heard a horror story about the university super computers picking up on any slight scent of plagiarism and swiftly serving out punishment in a dystopian fashion- Big Brother is watching you.

So, lets put to bed the stigma and animosity surrounding Wikipedia. It is a powerful tool available to all, an opening to the rabbit hole, and a means to an end. Next time you see someone eating their proverbial dog, don’t be so sickened. They know what they’re doing.