5 signs you’re going to fail your first year

If you identify with any of these, you’re well on your way to resits and a shorter summer.


1. Your idea of a pass is waking up in the morning

Alarms have a snooze for a reason

Not investing in a kettle for your room is probably the main reason you find it hard to get up at a ‘normal’ time. The kettle is too far, and the day is too long. What harm can another half hour of sleep do?

2. You think doodles are the sign of a good lecture

A work of art …

Unless you’re doing an Art degree, doodling in lectures is not the best idea when you’re trying to scrape a pass. On the plus side, it can stop you from falling asleep and your lecturer might really appreciate the portrait from that 2 hour Monday morning lecture.

3. You think nodding is the same as contributing in a seminar

The conformable nod in a seminar whenever the leader looks at you might seem like a good idea at the time. But, when you’re asked to follow up someone’s point that you weren’t actually listening to, prepare for embarrassment.

4. Doing assessments after a night out is the norm

Nothing productive will come from this …

After 3 quadvods, 5 Jägerbombs, and a kebab, you remember you have that assessment in for the end of the week. Any normal person would wait and do it in the morning after a full detox. Going to the IC in a state will not only raise an eyebrow or two from the security desk but it also won’t go down well when you asleep under a desk on Level 3 to be woken up by an irate post-grad in the morning.

5. You’ve run out of stuff to watch on the iPlayer

 Seen it, seen it, seen it, Michael McIntyre, seen it…

Procrastination at its finest. You’ve spent countless hours catching up on TV, but after you’ve watched every recent episode of Pointless, Eastenders, and a whole series of Top Gear, what’s next? Recommendations of what you might like are starting to look like they know you personally. I’d recommend you get that 2,000-word essay started.