The Tab’s alternative manifesto

1) A nap area

We all fall victim to an IC breakdown now and then. The bright lights, gaudy interior and intense stress of pursuing a computer can push even the sanest of us over the edge. In situations like these, every single muscle in your body will be fighting the urge to assume the foetal position on the carpet to sleep and/or cry.

If the 6 floors of the IC can accommodate a shower room, prayer room and a multitude of vacant group rooms, then without a doubt they can squeeze in a playgroup-esque nap space. This would allow students to both rest and have breakdowns in a comfortable and safe environment. Putting the ‘I’ back into ‘the IC’.

2) Traffic issues

Judging by their manifestos, the candidates for Welfare have clearly never tried to negotiate the notoriously stressful Richard Roberts crossing. Students are left either left peeling themselves off an oncoming vehicle or, at the very least, requiring counselling. The simple and effective addition of a University Lollipop Lady would no doubt cut pastoral issues by about half.

Crossing the Styx

Likewise, a domed escalator down the length of Broomhill wouldn’t go a miss either. 15 minutes more in bed, and protection from puddle splash, would not only contribute to a more productive learning environment, but also greatly increase emotional well-being.

3) The IC’s water fountains

We’ve already touched on a few of its issues, but it’s well known that the IC accounts for at least 60% of Sheffield students’ problems – another of which is its elusive and temperamental water fountains.

Some say they go through their entire degrees without being able to locate one that works properly, and those that do manage to find that one on Level 1 can enjoy an uncomfortably tepid drink, ejected at a similar speed to a tear slowly dribbling down the face of a disillusioned dissertation-writer. Symbolic.

This makes for long, unnecessary queues and many a hostile glare at those who dare to fill up past the halfway mark – all eating away at our precious learning time.

Empty?

4) Leg room

For somebody that is 5’2″ and has legs the length of Jaffa Cake tubes, I hardly take up a lot of space. Yet regularly even I find myself fearing the onset of deep vein thrombosis whilst in various lecture theatres, Richard Roberts and the SU Auditorium being prime examples.

Manoeuvring one’s legs around the minuscule tables and under the seat in front requires yoga-like concentration and flexibility. Increasing leg room, or at least providing DVT flight socks,  is the first thing education officers should be promising to provide.

5) Printing costs

A high percentage of candidates this year are particularly worked up over the price of an espresso in Coffee Revolution, yet none have focused on the real abomination on campus: printing.

Haven’t got an inkling

You could carve an entire rainforest into paper yourself for what it costs for one sheet of A4 colour in the library. If printing isn’t included in that £9000 a year, then what is exactly is?