10 ways to put off sixth formers on an open day

Bored? Get a kick out of freaking people out? Here’s some ideas to try on prospective students.

1. Carry around 9 grand in cash to wave at them/slap in their faces.

2. Describe Conduit Road as just your typical Sheffield gradient.

The summit

3. Take them into the lower levels of Western Bank and run away when they aren’t looking.


4. Show them a sample of the mould growing on your wall because of how cold your house is.

Needs must

5. Walk around in a poncho and stare at them.

Like this guy.

6. Explain how Firth Court looks nice but no student has ever been in there ever.

You expect this …

… and get this.

 7. Explain how Inox Dine looks nice and is well posh but no student has ever been in there ever.

Only if Dad’s paying

8. Mention the Arctic Monkeys every thirty seconds.

We were all there

And we all stayed for Jump Around afterwards.

9. Shove them onto a bus with nothing but a crisp £20 note.

10. Put them on the paternoster and tell them to only get off when it stops.