The Tab’s guide to the IC

10 steps to make studying in the IC … EC

1. Entry:

If you’re using the revolving door, stick to your own compartment. It’s an airlock. Nobody wants to be that close to another human being. And make sure you do your share of the pushing. The world doesn’t revolve around you and neither does this fucking door.

Children of the Revolution

2. Scanning in:

Don’t stand there eroding the glass and looking bemused – you’re wasting everybody’s time. Tilt your UCard towards you at angle between 30 and 35 degrees and pass it over the reader leaving a 2-3 mm gap. With a little practice, this guarantees first-swipe entry. It’s almost as revolutionary as the door you just came through. You’re welcome.

It works in Western Bank too

3. Choosing your level:

Only use the lift if you’re going from Level 0 to Level 4 or vice versa. With no phone signal and giant unforgiving mirrors, it’s not a nice place to be anyway.

4. Using the stairs:

The stairs are for walking up and down. Don’t stop for a conversation in the middle of them. I have a rapidly-expiring PC booking. Get the fuck out of my way.

5. Choosing your desk:

Don’t be a desk vulture, circling the carcass of a workspace until its current occupant leaves. The Tab once saw one of these vultures hold the back of a guy’s chair as he was packing up. That’s creepy. Always remember that the packer-upper has the power.

6. Finding a PC:

Ignore the ‘Find a PC’ screens. They lie. Here’s a handy tip: there are never any free PCs. Get a laptop. Jeez.

Liar

That said … if you do have a laptop, don’t sit in front of a PC. And don’t leave your shit all over the place in an attempt to mark your territory. You’re not a fucking cat.

7. Sitting at your desk:

Don’t take your shoes off. We get it – you’re in for the long haul. It doesn’t make you Bilbo Baggins. And don’t just sit there on social media. Firstly, Facebook stalking in the IC is dangerous – you never know who’s watching. Secondly, everybody circling for a desk will hate you even more.

8. Using Skype:

Don’t.

9. Printing:

Do use the corners of your UCard to operate the touch screens instead of mashing them with your fat ineffectual fingers. Don’t print an entire semester’s worth of PowerPoint slides.

10. Studying:

Try to do a bit of this. But intersperse it with gossip, loud and clear enough for the whole IC to hear. If you’re lucky, you might end up on Spotted.

Spotted: a selfish twat

Only joking. Fuck off. I want that desk.