Tab Tries: Chat Up Lines

In high school there are quaint courtyards in which you can bashfully beguile your crush.

In uni, on the other hand, there are insanely loud bars and clubs filled with intoxicated ‘potential’ who are more likely to fall for the nearest chip shop than for your wit and charm. So what are we to do?

Cheesy

The Tab descended on Revs and Soyo, on a typical Monday night, to conduct ‘scientific’ research into the best-received chat-up lines among fellow Sheffield students.

Based on an array of responses to more specific one liners, The Tab has ranked the top five conversation starters in the student world – all of which were gathered from studentbeans.com’s list of ‘guaranteed’ student chat-up lines.

‘Scientific’ research

5 – The classic cheesy chat-up:

‘Are your legs tired? Because you’ve been running through my mind all night.’

‘No. Never, ever, ever’ was John’s response, making for one very unimpressed Geography student.

4 – The shy one:

‘Hi … I’m usually better looking’

‘Aw, bless! But no.’ Biology student, Helen, sums up the general consensus that ‘The shy one’ makes a change from the cockiness of chat-up lines but nonetheless it’s ‘a bit sad’.

But no

3 – The creeper:

‘I’m not drunk … I’m just intoxicated by you’

For the girls, this proved controversial at best. Sociology student, Natasha, exclaimed ‘That’s so cheesy my toes might fall off … I’d laugh, then walk off’. Yet the guys strongly approved. Third year, Jamie, felt ‘Indie girls would love it’. Not really sure what to make of that.

2 – The crude but cute one:

‘One of us is thinking about sex … okay it’s me’

Surprisingly this was generally greeted with a lot of laughter and a likely agreement to a drink! But one second year guy expressed concern, saying ‘That’s strangely perverse and asking for a slap’.

1 – The just plain funny:

‘Please don’t be alarmed if a fat man wearing a suit picks you up and throws you into a bag … I asked for you for Christmas’

A sudden outburst of unexpected laughter, followed almost certainly by the offer of a drink from guys. But, once again, the girls proved trickier – laughter, followed by rejection, was the order of the night. With Christmas looming, this corker may, quite literally, have it in the bag (as one liners go).

But on the whole, unless you possess the easy charm of Hugh Grant and the looks of R Patz, I’m afraid it’s bad news. Chat-up lines are about as useless as you probably already thought they were.

Whilst they don’t send your targets running for the exit, they certainly don’t send them running to you. On the plus side, you’re more likely to get a laugh than a slap. Which is a good thing. I guess.