The 5 best places to poo on campus

Caught short with nowhere to go? Searching for your own private poo-vana? Look no further, The Tab is here to help!

The votes have been counted and verified, and the top 5 are in. No longer live in dread of that Balti King showing itself before you get home again as The Tab gets you to grips with the best five loos on campus.

We’ve been to pretty much every uni building on site and marked them in terms of Privacy, Cleanliness and that all important Wi-Fi signal for entertainment on the John. You can catch the worst 5 loos on campus HERE!

Bottom of the Arts Tower

Privacy – 4/5

Cleanliness – 4/5

Wi-Fi signal – Poor

Room for activities

The roomiest of all the toilets on the list, privacy is on a high as the footfall to size ratio is small. For the gents the cubicles are located completely separately from the urinals, so you won’t have any of those pesky urinators ruining your quiet time on the throne.

Floor 18 of the Arts Tower

Privacy – 4/5

Cleanliness – 4/5

Wi-Fi signal – Excellent

A poo with a view

This is such a wonderful water closet I’m slightly reluctant to reveal its location. The privacy and modern features are excellent but the real show-stopper is the view, with huge floor to ceiling glass along one wall for your viewing pleasure. If you’re feeling brave, an open-door session is well worth the risk.

Western Bank

Privacy – 3/5

Cleanliness – 4/5

Wi-Fi signal – Moderate

Occasionally messy

With fixtures and fittings that wouldn’t look out of place at Gordon Ramsey’s latest restaurant, the latest in a line of summer lavatory redevelopments has completely transformed the previously terrible, albeit hilariously graffitied, Western Bank toilets. Even if the taps are a little violent, who could resist a hand dryer made by Mitsubishi? A huge improvement on what could only be described as a wasp’s cough of a hand dryer last year.

Hicks Building

Privacy – 4/5

Cleanliness – 4/5

Wi-Fi signal – Fair

Teriff-Hicks

A sure contender for most improved, these would easily have been in the bottom 5 last year. The toilets are now clean, the décor is minimalist and if you’re willing to travel to enjoy your deuce, the higher up the 8 flights you go the more chance you have of an interruption-free time shedding your ballast.

Managament Building

Privacy – 4/5

Cleanliness – 5/5

Wifi Signal – Poor

He’s managing

I live about 2 minutes from Conduit Road and I genuinely consider these toilets an option when I’m in need of a sit at home. They are nothing short of a masterpiece: unbelievably clean, beautifully designed and, on the small chance that you are interrupted, you may overhear some useful business advice.