The worst places to poo on campus

Getting desperate in a lecture? Struggling in a seminar? Worry no more.

We’ve marked all of the loos in terms of Privacy, Cleanliness and that all important Wi-Fi signal for entertainment.

We can now reveal the 5 worst lavatories on campus. If you must face the perils of unloading while you’re at uni, make sure you stay away from these.

Elmfield

Privacy – 2/5

Cleanliness – 2/5

Wi-Fi signal – Poor

Last year’s impressive redevelopment of the Politics and Sociology Department clearly lacked attention to detail. They forgot the loos.

With a lack of room to manoeuvre and an unsettling turquoise colour scheme, it all adds up to an unpleasant relief experience.

If you’ve got a private appointment with Dr John, this office is best avoided.

The IC

Privacy – 1/5

Cleanliness – 2/5

Wi-Fi signal – Excellent

What’s to like? With only one cubicle per toilet and high footfall to the urinals, the chance of a moment’s privacy is highly unlikely.

I once had to travel all the way up to Level 4 (including both Silent Study Spaces) just to find a place that had toilet paper.

By the time I got all the way up there I was absolutely pooped. Good Wi-Fi for poo-time entertainment just keeps it from hitting rock bottom.

Students’ Union Level 3

Privacy – 1/5

Cleanliness – 3/5

Wi-Fi signal – Adequate

Unlike the IC the toilets on the Union’s ground floor are fairly well maintained and I’ve never found the toilet paper to be wanting.

But given only one cubicle and one urinal for the lads, queuing is highly likely and the small space means it’s pretty warm.

Bar One

Privacy – 2/5

Cleanliness – 1/5

Wi-Fi signal – Shit (literally)

Hot, busy, dirty and not all in full working order, the Bar One toilets have to be the worst on campus. And that’s on a good day.

Try doing a deuce on a Wednesday night and you’ll be scarred for life. That’s if you remember …

University Arms

Privacy – 3/5

Cleanliness – 3/5

Wi-Fi signal – None

As you walk into the gents at the Uni Arms you’re immediately greeted with what appears to be the storeroom for an auction house.

We found old chairs, broken bits of radiator and even a box of old cutlery.

Once you get past this strange entrance things don’t improve, with ugly grubby tiles, and toilets with old chain style flushes.

Good for pies and ales, but if you need a number two, you’re best to go some place else.