The Benefits of Booze

In a toast to your good health, Rebecca Taylor reveals the hidden benefits of vodka, beer, wine and cocktails.


Health drinks

Ending a night sobbing on the floor of Chicken Stop or being dragged out of Plug semi-conscious is undeniably damaging to both your body and your reputation. But going out for a classy cocktail or a pint down the pub can be, surprisingly, good for you.

VODKA:

The Russian spirit works wonders. For centuries Russian folklore has used vodka to treat headaches, colds and even hangovers. So maybe you should reschedule Revs as a morning stop-off instead of a pre-Pop Tarts treat?

Vodka is also a proven stress-reliever but, as a result, it’ll cause your concentration levels to plummet. So I wouldn’t advise a quick swig just before your finals.

It’s also worth mentioning that a ‘quad-vod’ (from you know where) is not quite as beneficial.

From Russia with Love

BEER:

The infamous beer belly is a lie. Beer can actually be pretty low in calories as well as being free from carbs and cholesterol. A daily pint has been shown to reduce your chance of developing heart disease by 31%.

It strengthens your bones too. Unfortunately, when all self-restraint is lost – or when the footy goes to penalties – having a cheeky third pint actually increases your chances of fracturing something. Whether this is due to biology or the increased likelihood of you jumping out of a tree, I don’t know.

It’s not too bad though: research has shown that a pint a day helps to keep Alzheimer’s at bay. Well, it helps a bit.

It also helps you sleep

WINE:

Fancy a glass of Merlot darling? A glass of red is filled with nutritional delights. From reducing bad cholesterol to helping prevent blood clots – it’s got it all. When taken in the right quantities, it can in fact cut your chances of getting heart disease by 40%.

Wine, like beer, is also known to help avoid a decline in mental ability. Smashing your head when toppling off a table singing karaoke, however, will do nothing but encourage cognitive deterioration.

Classy

COCKTAILS:

For those of you rebelling against the student stereotype and hosting lavish cocktail parties, here’s your reward. For beating diabetes, a Bloody Mary’s the key. The controversial (disgusting) cocktail is particularly good at increasing the levels of a hormone that improves insulin sensitivity, reducing the risk of developing type 2 diabetes by up to 30%.

Another perk of ‘happy hour’ is that more cocktails mean fewer gallstones – a concern for every student. Obviously.

Proven to improve pout

So, whatever your choice of bevvy, it seems that, as students, we can drink our way to lives free from gallstones, diabetes and heart disease. Which will ultimately terminate with liver failure.