What your chosen night out at RHUL says about you

Loving the SU doesn’t make you a party animal

As first term draws to a close everyone is now well settled into their weekly nightlife routine – for first years this is every other night and possibly more, and for third years this is only the occasional Toast sesh, as this is just about all our energy levels can handle (if we don’t feel too guilty about leaving our dissertation alone for the night). Despite Egham only offering us the SU and Medicine there are *plenty* of nights out on offer in Windsor and, if you’re minted, London. Each night out has it’s own stereotype, so here’s a list of them:

The SU

Classic, *affordable*, and easy. You probably haven’t had much clubbing experience and forgot to ask what the nightlife was like at the Open Days, hence your decision to spend 3 years in Egham in the first place. You’re easily satisfied with what the humble SU has to offer – VKs aren’t that bad, and you actually haven’t got bored of listening to Chainsmokers yet. Your average night will probably end with you getting off with that guy you sit with in seminars as the DJ rolls out another throwback Taylor Swift track. You’ll make your best effort to stay out until 3am thinking it makes you a hardcore party animal (it doesn’t), but will probably get too emotional about how much you love this uni and all your amazing friends and have to go home in the Sshh bus.


The Students’ Union definitely did not mess this one up – £1.50 drinks, cheesy music and food make this night an absolute must (sorry, Monkeys). You’re probably a second or third year for whom the magic of the SU has now worn off, and whose loan has been depleted by summer rent. The cheap drinks mean you can afford to have mixers as opposed to VKs for once, and you like that it’s so much more chilled in Meds than the frenzied darkness of the SU. You’re stronger than the SU-goer as you can go out on a week night and still probably wake up at 8am for lectures the next day, and nobody quite knows how you do it.


You used to roll in college (now you vape, obviously), and probably wear flannels and a lot of Urban Outfitters. The only time you’ll ever come out is for Scratch, the one night out here you deem to be acceptable. You hate the generic club scene and that one time you went to the SU you scowled at the people clutching their VKs and Pall Mall cigarettes, getting off against the burger van. You probably came to RHUL under the impression that it was ‘nearly in London’ instead of leafy Surrey, and found the sesh on offer here just as disappointing as the location. You’re always trying to get your housemates to go out to underground drum & bass nights in London, but despite yourself you still cried when Fabric closed (and again when it announced it’s re-opening).

Central London


If you’re organised enough to venture into the capital for a night out then you’re either one of two people: absolutely minted, or someone who lives for the sesh. If you’re the latter you’ll spend the whole time hyped up on mandy, telling everyone in XOYO that you go to Queen Mary and live in Hackney, because Egham is not quite edgy enough to admit to. You wish you’d had the sense to apply to a college that is actually IN London, but that’s okay because we’re pretty much there anyway, right?

These nights always sound exciting but land up costing a bomb, despite your mate promising it would only be 30 quid ‘absolute maximum’. You’ve probably only been twice because that’s all you can afford, and now every time someone suggests going their earnest face is met with groans and suggestions of, “Let’s just go to the SU instead.” You’ve probably got friends in high places (i.e. the colleges that are actually ‘of London’) so you’ll be lucky enough to stay in central for the night, or else it’s a shameful £40 Uber back to Egham for you. If the Uber doesn’t appeal to you then you’re a cheapskate, and you’ll just hang around the Charing Cross McDonald’s (take note, it’s the only one that’s open 24/7) until 4:30am when Waterloo opens and you can get that blessed 5:05 train back home.


Sometimes the VKs and Calvin Harris remixes can all get a bit too much, and outsourcing to Windsor is the only other cheap option for a night out. Most girls love Atik because the men here aren’t students and usually love to show off, so getting bought drinks has never been easier. You’ll unashamedly flit between men all night just for the drinks, but things can get a little awkward when that guy from last week pops up – you know, the one you told you were moving to Yemen. Unlike the SU it does actually have two rooms of music, and you’ve probably pulled on that 70s style dancefloor more times than you’d care to admit. You tell yourself that Atik is way better than the SU, yet somehow

House parties

Every Egham house party is guaranteed to end in noise complaints and by 1am. If you prefer these to actually going ‘out out’ then you are more than likely the type of person who uses ‘having too much work’ as an excuse for not having to leave the house after 7pm. You only go to house parties because you can spend the whole night drinking Red Stripe and controlling the playlist, and also because it’s your mate’s birthday and you said you would go. You spend most of your time chainsmoking in the garden and trying to make conversation with their housemates, though when it gets to 11 you say you’re going to the SU as an excuse to leave the already half-empty house.

You still go to Monkeys on a Monday

Heartbreakingly, it no longer looks like this inside

Give up, hun, it’s a lost cause.