The unexpected trials and tribulations of graduating

Could you help me with this zipper?


After weeks of procrastination and some studying, students across the country are finishing their exams and beginning to celebrate and prepare for graduation. We expected to be tired, and we expected to be emotional – but what we didn’t expect was to move up two dress sizes.

You have to measure your head

It’s not a difficult task, I grant you, but how many students own a tape measure? And which part of your head does the graduation cap sit on? Do I go for a jaunty angle? Do I go for a tight fit? Will my hair need to be factored into all of this? I have no idea what a normal sized head circumference is – is my head abnormal? There are just so many questions that are not answered on the graduation page.

is this normal?

is this normal?

Absolutely nothing fits correctly anymore

Even my fat jeans.

This is the time of my university career where I want to be looking my best, but I can’t force the zipper over my stomach. During exams, we let ourselves eat into oblivion because we needed something to make us happy, and we promised that after exams we would rise with the sun and perform perfect head stands whilst eating home made granola.

Shockingly, this did not happen – after studying, we felt we needed the treat more than ever, so we purchased everything on the McDonalds menu.

what do you mean I'm supposed to do them up?

what do you mean I’m supposed to do them up?

Being astonishingly poor

Again, we assumed we would have saved money as we’ve done nothing more exciting than sitting in the library recently. Again, we were wrong.

We treated ourselves whilst revising, telling ourselves we needed new coffee grinder because we’ve earned it. We never used it again, we don’t even drink coffee, but it cost us £30. So now, with events and parties where tickets and drinks aren’t cheap and we need a new outfit for each one, we’re smuggling vodka in empty water bottles like the classy young graduates we are.

bleak

bleak

Heels really hurt

It’s been said time and time again, but it’s never been more real to me before now. I never wear heels, I don’t have the ankle control, so most nights out I’m wearing converse or, if I’m feeling particularly wild, heeled boots. Women who wear stilettos to work are incredible beings in my eyes.

Suddenly, heels are required at most events – the most important of which is the actual graduation ceremony. The pressure to put one foot in front of the other like a capable human has never been so high – and this is only added to by forcing yourself to walk on the balls of your feet. Have a stiff drink before, you’ll glide through.

heels