I’ve never had a one night stand, and I never will

I can’t deal with the awkwardness

Before anyone gets their knickers in a twist – I have nothing against people sleeping around. Sleep with 100 people or no one, I don’t really care, but this is the definitive list of why I will never have a one night stand.

The ‘Morning After look’

No one looks good hungover. There are a finite amount of people who have seen me minus my eyebrows and a stranger is not about to be one of them. I know boys that will take sneaky photo evidence to prove they got layed. I look a 5/10 at best when hungover and I’m not ready for the general public to see that.

One night stand etiquette 


My attempt at a confused look is beyond unattractive

What do you even do the next day? Do they expect breakfast? At what point is it okay to tell them to do one? So many unanswered questions.

The dreaded walk of shame 

Heels in hand, everyone knows what you've done

Heels in hand, everyone knows what you’ve done

On the plus side, if you stay at yours you don’t have to answer any of the above questions. Unfortunately it means a dreaded walk of shame. Everyone knows what you’ve done and there is a fair chance you’ll end up on yik yak.

Drunk decisions 

Look at them drunk eyes

Look at them drunk eyes

No one makes good decisions when drunk. Knowing my luck I will end up going home with the worst guy in the world who will possibly try and sell my organs on eBay. You never know.

The fact is, I’m a compulsive relationshipper and I love it. One night stands are not for me.