An ode to MooMoo Clubrooms: The greatest club in Hampshire

MooMoo, or as it was always known before the refurb last summer, Jaxx, will always hold a special place in my heart.

Last week, my parents decided to finally take the big step and do the most un-Fleet thing they could possibly do: leave Fleet. We moved to Earley, in Reading, and so far its great – but where’s MooMoo?

When I come home from uni I expect to be drunkenly convinced to have a “cheeky MooMoo” after one too many shots in the Arthur. I expect to queue for either half an hour or twenty seconds to get through a Waitrose delivery area, and into a club with no signal and sticky floors, that plays all the bangers you’d expect on the weekend.

Loving the delivery (smoking) area

I mean, yes, it’s pretty tragic. We all know that. We’re not gonna sit here and pretend we’re going to some Fabric-esque edgy warehouse rave on the weekend. We’re going to a club with three rooms where you know exactly what you’re getting because the set list is pretty much identical to every other night.

It’s a safe bet, and that’s why we like it. There’s no surprises here. If you’re in Fever, the entire Grease soundtrack WILL play towards the end of the evening. If you’re in Boutique, Crazy in Love will hopefully be the soundtrack to your entry into the club, sassing down the ramp with your raffle ticket (??? Why did we get these? Was it for the cloakroom? There’s never a raffle?).

What are the odds they were playing Beyonce as this photo was taken? (Not that we’re complaining)

I mean, they’ve tried, bless them, they really have tried. Boutique and Halo look exactly like Room 1 and Room 2 in Jaxx, and let’s be honest, we still refer to them in that way as we hold up the correct amount of fingers and point towards the door in an attempt to get our friends to grab a change of scene.

And they’ve gone all out with the decor and the small details. They tried to be cute with the little 50s milkshake cups (which, I guess, are more safe as they’re fairly robust plastic) and the light up dance floor and the disco balls. I must confess I haven’t been there in a while, but I can safely say it’s a lot more popular than when it was Jaxx (*sniff*).

MooMoo/Jaxx was a rite of passage in a young person in Fleet’s life. That first time you go, thinking you’re an absolute legend cos you’ve just had a mighty pre sesh with your Farnborough Sixth Form clique, and you put your best getting ready pic on Insta with the cow emoji so everyone knows just where you’re going, is an important night in your life.

You can’t have a bad time in Fever

Shit will KICK OFF in the smoking area, someone will inevitably charge off to 700 degrees/Subway/Charcoal Grill, to “avoid the drama”, someone else will be in tears, and your die-hard raver mate from Sociology will still be at it in Halo alone. It’ll probably end in regrets, but that’s what’s so important about it.

Maybe we’ll OCCASIONALLY venture to Guildford on a Monday night for Casino, or if we’re really feeling edgy, go for a weekend in London to experience proper clubbing, but MooMoo is just so much more convenient. I mean it’s probably within walking distance of your house, and, come on, it’s Fleet – it’s highly unlikely you’ll be getting mugged on the way home. Unless you owe a dealer some money. Then get in a Hart taxi and QUICK.

So whether you’re coming back from uni, you’re 25 and still going for it after Propaganda, or it’s A Level results night and you’re rammed in like the 18-year-old little sardine you are, MooMoo will always have a special place in our hearts.