All the different people your home friends have turned into now they’re at uni

Nobody read your latest thinkpiece, mate


As the Christmas holidays descend upon us, it’s time to show everyone from home how different (better) you are nowadays. Here’s a comprehensive guide of the new personalities you’ll be greeting at the pub.

The edgy person

You swan in with your Nikes, denim jacket, visor and glitter, chatting about the jungle music you’re into now. Top marks if you can name drop a gig you went to and have no one at the table know who you’re talking about.

Don't question the visor

Don’t question the visor

The health lover

Nutriblast in one hand, pedometer in the other, you lunge, squat and heel flick your way over to your pals. Insist on having a planking competition as soon as everyone gets inside, then fake an injury if you don’t win.

"look how close I am to my toes"

Look how close I am to my toes

The party animal

You have more stamina than all of us. Make sure you bring up how rough you’re feeling a couple of times for double lad points. Out at least six times a week, we’re genuinely enthralled by your Snapchat story the following morning as we get our packed lunch ready for a full day at the library.

The political activist

Petitions left, right and centre. Bring leaflets and rage.

Berfor someone gets really angry, I actually think this is so important

Before someone gets angry, I actually think this is important

The one with a life plan

As the rest of us struggle to answer the anxiety-inducing question of “so, what’s the plan after graduation?”, you’ve had a job contract signed since first year. How? It’s not important. You know where you’re living after uni, you have tenant’s insurance, and you probably have a FiloFax. And I speak for everyone else when I say we resent you for it.

The aspirational journalist

Did you see my latest think piece? What did you think? Will you share it?  I shared it on Facebook so I don’t think you missed it, if you did I’ll send you the link.

"I'm on three likes. THREE."

I’m on three likes. THREE