How to live with a northerner

Let them cover everything in gravy


If you’re as southern as they come and thrown into a flat with a scary northerner it can be quite intimidating. Their accents, eating habits and language are all a bit different to what you’re used to. Why do they love pie so much? What’s with the gravy? Why don’t they want the heating on?

Here are some tips to help you become accustomed to their different way of life.

Food

Pies are a massive part of the northern way of life. Meat and potato pies, chicken pies, beefsteak pies, they love the stuff. So if you ever anger one of them it’s probably best to keep a steak and ale pie stashed away for emergencies when they need calming down.

It’s also common place to put gravy on absolutely everything edible, which you may disagree with (as we all know gravy is strictly for your mum’s Sunday roast, not chips) but just let them get on with it. You don’t want to criticise a Northerner.

It may be an odd concept for you to eat chips with gravy or curry sauce (they’re mixing up the takeaways, surely that can’t be right?) but this is viewed as normal eating behaviour, so quit your staring.

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Douse dem chips in gravy

Language

There will also probably be a rather large language barrier between the two of you as they speak rather oddly, but just smile and wave and you should be fine. They like to abbreviate words until they’re entirely unrecognisable, for example “nowt” translates as “nothing” to us regular folk and “belta” is a positive adjective probably referring to a song.

Northerners are also completely blind to this fact, and assume they have no accent. This results in them assuming everyone who speaks with Standard English is “well posh”. They drink tea 24/7 but they will likely refer to this as a “brew” so watch out for that one.

"Fancy a brew?"

‘Fancy a brew?’

Stereotypes

Never make any assumptions about the North. Phrases such as “it’s all coal mines and factories up there isn’t it?” or “is that the place where everyone uses too much fake tan?” will NEVER go down well. Remember northerners are people with feelings too.

Outside the bakery, not conforming to those stereotypes

Outside the bakery, not conforming to those stereotypes

They must be more warm blooded than us mere Southerners

Apparently if its -4 degrees outside, being wrapped up warm is still optional. Coats, scarves, hats and gloves, (a dress code we probably embrace a little prematurely in the year down south) never seems to be implemented into the northern wardrobe. They don’t feel the cold in the same way. While this could result in a freezing house mind, you’ll probably have loads of money because you’re not spending it on heating bills.

They like to talk to strangers

If they call you “duck”, don’t worry, they’re not insulting your walk it’s actually a term of endearment. So well done, you have yourself a northern friend. Oh yeah and talking to strangers is pretty commonplace, so you might end up knowing “Larry from the bus stop” or “Brenda from the queue at Tesco’s” if you venture out with your new roomie.

Also, if you’re out and about and you’ve lost your northern pal then you’re best off trying Greggs or any bakery really. Follow the pies.

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Northeners and southerners are friends really

And for a final heads up, never ever insult any town or area in the North if you value your life.