What it’s like to be the only boy in a house with five girls

We have a lot of candles


There are certain expectations I had before moving in with five girls. So far, they’ve met a few of them, but the overall experience has been really good. It definitely doesn’t match the stereotypes.

Here they all are

Here they all are

Before living with a group of them, I thought literally all girls were considerably cleaner members of the human race than any male could ever hope to be. So it came as a shock to me when this bubble of fairy liquid and sparkling femininity was burst. Out of the six people in the house, I would place myself an easy second in a “Who’s The Cleanest?” competition. It turns out wearing boxers and wanting a lemony fresh hob aren’t mutually exclusive.

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Honestly thought girls loved cleaning products

You might think it’s nice to live with girls because they’ll cook for you all the time. They don’t. And nor would I want them to. It’s generally agreed upon that I’m the best cook in the house. And that’s because it’s a matter of fact. I am. Mealtime FAQs around ours include “What does boiling water look like?” and “What’s that burning smell?”

"How long do I boil these for?"

‘How long do I boil these for?’

Some men reading this might be wondering about the TV and who watches what. Do I have to watch things like Bake Off, or am I able to watch Match of the Day and keep up with transfer deadline day? I wondered and fretted about these things too, but then I remembered that what I actually really like watching on TV is Jamie Oliver, Hollyoaks and Don’t Tell the Bride.

Oh, and the large collection of Disney DVDs? Yeah, they’re mine. If it’s not a soap or on The Food Network it probably isn’t going to be seen our TV screen anytime soon and I’m more than okay with that.

Obviously we need two copies of Les Mis

Obviously we need two copies of Les Mis

They do have periods sometimes. I’m actually quite well versed in the art of menstruation these days. I could probably do it.

Keep finding these everywhere, anyone know what they're for?

Keep finding these everywhere, anyone know what they’re for?

Things are fairly the same in the bathrooms. We all use similar products. I can’t vouch for all of us but I think we all probably brush our teeth. We all use the toilets, although the amount of toilet roll they require is staggering. I’m confident we all wee in the shower too.

Shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste and a shower that smells suspiciously of urine

Shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste and a shower which smells suspiciously of urine

They do talk about boys a lot and it is hilarious. I’m often employed to read over text messages from other “outside” males, and decipher what they mean. The girls seem to think the boys they’ve met at the SU are only interested in sex and are just stringing them along, not looking for anything meaningful, which is usually true.

Granted this does cause some repetitive drama, but this is one of the great joys of living with girls. I’m privy to a world of masculine communication which would otherwise be cut off because of passcodes and pride. It really is genuinely funny to see how some boys attempt to reel girls in. If I’ve learnt one thing from living with girls, it’s that boys are crap with emojis.

In reality I probably live with girls because I’m just as girly as them. Maybe more.

They do sing a lot though, which is quite annoying.