The perks of having a resting bitch face

Let’s get one thing straight – smiling gives you wrinkles. It’s a known fact, so don’t feel forced to smile at people. Because let’s face it, if we were ranking our priorities right now, looking good is beating being friendly hands down. And anti wrinkle cream is expensive, man.

In fifty years you’ll still have that model worthy face, whereas all those naturally smiley “happy” people will look like prunes in their care homes, whilst you still look like Aphrodite. Do you think Kate Moss has ever smiled? I can tell you on good authority that no: Kate Moss has never once smiled.

Crows feet are hard to hide – no amount of concealer will cover them up (except maybe some industrial grade polyfiller but still, you’re winning here).

She doesn’t even go here

The resting bitch face is the hottest A/W trend right now, and I am here to tell you why.

No one is going to ask you for directions

Your resting bitch face prevents people approaching you (probably because you look like a cold hearted bitch, but I’ll get to that). Forget about being dragged up on stage at shows or pub nights, no one wants a miserable cow on stage, so you’ve already dodged one bullet.

You’re never going to be approached by the ‘do you have a minute to fill out my survey’ people in shopping centres, so you’ll never have to make half-hearted excuses involving meeting your mum for coffee.

Okay so you might get more frequently gossiped about, but who cares? You own that bitch face like you bought it from Zara and paid more money than you should have.

classic RBF on the right there

You can Kontour like a Kardashian

Your makeup probably takes you a year and a day to complete due to the fact that even with excessive blusher to make those cheeks extra rosy, you still look like a moody shitbag. So don’t bother. Hang up your blusher brush and whip out the contoured cheek bones and embrace your inner Kardashian – that Urban Decay bronzer you spent your student loan on isn’t going to use itself.

And with your face remaining in the same pissed off facial expression all day, your makeup masterpiece will last longer, so no need for any trips to the ladies to cover up those under eye bags. Although, if your body clock is as messed up as mine, you’ve probably got a family of four’s luggage for a two week getaway in Spain under your eyes, which, to be honest, is a lost cause.

yay, cheekbones!

Your crew will get you

Making friends with other supporters of the resting bitch face is another likely scenario, and that’s all well and good because they’re not going to ask you questions like ‘are you okay?’ or ‘what’s wrong with you?’ Phrases you probably hear all too often because you look “permanently miserable”.

Your squad, however, are all non-judgemental, because they still approached you despite your heightened sass factor. They accept you for who you truly are. It’s a good way of determining who your real pals are.

They just get eachother

Looking like a cold hearted bitch isn’t as bad as it sounds, honestly. It instantly shows people that you don’t take any shit, equating an instant drama-free life for you. So werk it. Get out there and show off your bitchy eyebrows, your angled cheekbones, your furrowed brow, your pursed lips. This is the real you and nothing is more beautiful than that.