There’s nothing more stressful than a girls’ night out

Nobody needs to take this many toilet selfies

Why is it so difficult to get a group of girls together for a night out without a ridiculous amount of faffing and arguing? From the off there’s never a decision that can be made in less than half an hour.

Setting a time for prinks is an almost useless exercise. Apparently 8pm to a group of girls actually means any time from 10:30 onwards. When the group do finally all arrive, there’s then a big discussion about whether to rush pre-drinks to get cheaper entry or book a later taxi to drink more at home: a debate we wouldn’t need to have if everyone had turned up at the right time to begin with.

Having given up hope on a relaxing, chilled-out prinks, you now have to fit the drinking games into a shorter timeframe, and for some reason even something simple like ring of fire never goes well with an all-girl group. People stop paying attention and get distracted by serious conversation until it’s almost impossible to get people to follow what’s happening.

9:45 and no one's here. do I drink alone?

9:45 and no one’s here. do I drink alone?

When the taxis do arrive, there’s an even bigger debate about who’s going into which taxi and with who. Even though we’re all going to the same place, friendships could apparently be made or broken in this one car journey, so a decision can never be reached easily.

After the group have successfully made it into town, it’s time to walk back and forth between nightclubs, looking at how big the queues are and deciding which club to go to. You probably could have made a decision at pres, but let’s face it: it makes more sense to figure this stuff out when you’re stood freezing on a street corner, slowly sobering up from what little alcohol you’ve had time to consume so far.

Not all gals nights go sour.

Not all gals nights go sour thankfully

Once you’ve eventually made it into the club (which is always the first one that was suggested back before the big roadside debate about where to go), you’ll be lucky to get 15 minutes on the dance-floor before someone decides they need the toilet. It’s a well-known fact girls can’t go to the toilet alone.

While I’m a great believer of this, I don’t think the entire group of 10 really needs to all go to the toilet together. However, everyone else seems to disagree and so because of this a large majority of girl’s nights out always end up spent in the toilet. No matter how often you suggest going back into the rest of the club to drink and dance, there’s always a friend making bezzos with everyone they come into contact with and taking way too many toilet selfies.

we just want to get drunk and dance.

We just want to get drunk and dance

Eventually, everyone begins to feel way too sober and so half of you slowly make it out to the bar. Terrible move. It only takes minutes for you to be inundated with texts asking where you are. When you try to find the others, they’ll inevitably have moved from where you left them, and so you waste the night wandering around in circles trying to find each other.

When you do end up together again it’s pretty likely a minor argument will break out about why half the group “abandoned” the others. I mean, sure, you came out as a group but I’m sure a few minutes apart isn’t worth arguing about in the middle of a night out.

the long chain of find me messages.

The long chain of ‘find me’ messages

After snatching a few moments of pleasure at the very end of the night, the next stressful ordeal involves deciding what takeaway to go to. Who would have thought deciding which dingy place to eat dirty chicken in would take so much effort? Just like when you were in the loo, one of your group is now making friends with everyone in the takeaway and there’s nothing you can do to get them to leave. If you can, wander off from the pack while all this is going on and time it to come back just before everyone heads home. That way you’ll miss most of the chip shop drama.

bonding over dirty chicken.

bonding over dirty chicken.

If you want to have a genuinely amazing girls’ night out, without any arguing, stress or inappropriately timed deep meaningful chats, stick to small groups. Anything more than five people and the whole thing becomes an utter nightmare.

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Royal Holloway, University of London national