These animal lovers are fed up of being hated by their pets
‘Our other cat died recently and Molly couldn’t give less of a shit’
Now everyone’s home for summer there are a lot of “Ooo look, I’m reunited with my beloved pet” pics circulating. However, these bragging images of genuine, joyful person-pet cuddling are just too upsetting for those unfortunate souls who are abused daily by their pets.
These unlucky animal lovers live in a world of constant horror, where their love is ignored by a spiteful domestic animal only interested in being fed on time. These malicious little creatures won’t let you cuddle them or play with them, preferring instead to shoot bitchy looks at you whenever you enter the room.
Now distressed pet owners are speaking out about what it’s like to have a pet which doesn’t give a shit about you unless it’s dinner time. Spoiler: it turns out cats are the most bitchy.
Ali and Nelson, Southampton
Nelson follows me everywhere and gets upset if I try and go somewhere without him, like the toilet. If I do go somewhere without him he then ignores me when I get back, and if I try and look at him he keeps turning his head away.
Once he hid under the bed and we were panicking looking for him. He’s not always grumpy though: he loves falling asleep on the sofa in the evenings and going in the car together.
Tegan and Rufus, Royal Holloway
He only puts up with me so he can have food. It’s total cupboard love. If there’s food in the offing he’ll love you dearly, but if not then good luck trying to have a cuddle.
Alice and Molly, UEA
My cat, Molly, is the Regina George of my family. We can only love her when it’s on her terms, she’ll hiss at anyone and everyone, and she has permanent resting bitch face. Our other cat died recently too and Molly couldn’t give less of a shit. She also likes to vom up hair balls and leave a little trail for us to find, and her fangs are always ready.
Catherine and Sooty, London
It all started a few years ago. My sister and I both had a cat each, and unfortunately mine was run over. That’s when it all went wrong between Sooty – my sister’s cat – and I. He used to come up to me for a cuddle, but ever since my cat Derby died he would literally ignore me. He stopped coming into my bedroom for years, it’s only when I moved to uni he’d actually start going into my room to sleep on my bed.
Now, whenever I go home, I’m literally the last person he comes to for attention. He’ll stare at me and meow for minutes at a time, but when I approach him to give him some fuss he’ll run away. The only time he ever comes to me voluntarily is if I’m eating cereal, because he’ll want to drink the leftover milk when I’m done with it. Apart from that he just snubs me. He’ll go to next door’s dog for attention before he comes to me. It’s very upsetting.
Isabel and Bea, Royal Holloway
Unrequited love doesn’t begin to describe my relationship with Bea. I’ll come home, put on my bravest happy face and call her in the same tone of voice my mum does, trying to induce some sort of love. However, instead of some ecstatic bouncing ball of cuddles and purrs I get a sultry side eye, and that’s on a good day. Coming home from uni to Bea is constant rejection with a side of hatred. God forbid I try to touch her, she only likes to be petted when she wants it.
Jess and Olive, Leeds
I personally am very fond of my cat. It used to be a bit of a dick, but then we moved into a house with my mum’s friend who has a dog and after living there my cat has been hugely appreciative of us and a lot less scratchy and bitey. She even feels comfortable enough to steal chicken from my plate. However she’s now sweet to everyone except my mum’s boyfriend. She looks at him and shits every time he comes around. Apart from that though she’s lovely, apart from the fact she likes to jump from shelves onto our chests while we’re sleeping. It’s enough to give you a heart attack.
Lucy and fish, Manchester
My pets don’t understand me at all – it’s like they have the memory of a goldfish. They don’t even have names. It’s no wonder they hate me.”