Tapioca balls are ruining my bubble tea

In this world, there is one true form of evil – and no it’s not full-priced drinks at Monkeys or even the sadness upon entering the shared bathrooms in Founders. In fact, this deadly thing is even fouler than a Monday morning 9AM lecture.

Some people refer to them as “Satan’s seeds of evil”. They are, of course, tapioca balls.

The evil Tapioca King plots world domination

Anyone who has gone to enjoy a refreshing bubble tea on campus will know what I’m on about. Like me, they’ve no doubt been lured in by the tapioca balls because as all students know it’s impossible to resist anything described as free.

That’s the dark secret of the tapioca balls. They’re free and they’re evil.  You really get what you pay for – nothing. They are a symbol of immorality in the world, the harbingers of destruction.

On my first trip to Imagine, I couldn’t resist the no-cost promise of tapioca balls.

I didn’t go back for three months.

Welcome to tapioca hell

Their taste is almost indescribably offensive. They taste like my parents’ reaction when I told them I wanted to take a degree in Drama – full of sadness and disappointment. If you want a more literal explanation of the flavour, try to imagine what a sweaty sock drenched in cold tea would be like. I’ve never actually tasted that but I’m assuming it’s quite bad.

We need to fight this disgusting flavour together everyone. No matter how free the tapioca balls are, do not get them. If we all stay strong, soon they will be gone forever.