How to tell your housemates hate you

They leave you passive-aggressive notes

Congrats, your housemates hate you so much they can’t even stand to speak to you. Notes tend to only be used when the topic is food, often instructing you “Do not eat”, with a smiley face and kisses underneath to fool you into thinking they don’t hate your guts. Why would you push them to this extreme you Sharing Sally?

the smiley face totally makes it okay, right?

They don’t fold your laundry

Essentially what’s happening here is you’ve hogged the tumble-dryer for a few days, callously ignoring the pleas of your housemates that they’re down to their last pair of socks. As punishment, you return home one day to be greeted by a pile of creased clothes thrown scathingly on the floor.

They’re deafeningly loud in the mornings

You’re wrenched out of your painless, alcohol-induced slumber to face a horrific hangover you might have otherwise slept through by irritatingly loud cooking, boots in the hall, or worst of all laughter (probably at your pain).

Again, you ask yourself: why? The answer is this – you woke them up last night when you were bellowing the lyrics of the Dirty Dancing soundtrack as you struggled to get the key in the lock. Just because it was “Decades night” doesn’t mean it’s acceptable.

Vodka is a better housemate

They deliberately leave your dirty plates/cutlery for you to wash

Some housemates don’t mind it if the washing up doesn’t get done, but for others it makes their blood boil. You can tell which one your housemate is if there’s a whole pile of washing up to be done and you add a solitary teaspoon. If you return and find everything’s been washed up apart from your one teaspoon, the message is clear: do your own sodding washing up.

They change the locks

They want you out so bad they’ve prevented you from entering the house ever again. It’s probably time to call your landlord and throw a hissy fit, but we all know you deserved this.

My neighbours fully think I’m crazy… and they’re right

They buy a gun

Either they’re struggling with some kind of psychotic break or you’re THAT bad of a housemate. You could call the police or you could give everyone some relief and just move out. Whichever it is, you’ve probably lost a friend for good.