King of the Castle: Inside the life of RHUL’s biggest BNOC

David’s not the captain of a sports team, the president of a society, or even remotely involved with the SU. But you’ve all seen him.

His abode is Bedford Library, and – as you’ll know – he’s there 24/7 bashing out history essays, downing Monster energy drinks, and doing all sorts of ‘David’ mannerisms.

But just who is this mysterious man?

Clearly feeling the effects of a 28 hour, 47 minutes, and 15 seconds bender in the library

He’s an enigmatic figure to say the least. He’s the Bansky of Bedford, minus the art.

His attire is reminiscent of the late Steve Jobs – black t shirt, jeans, and boots. Or I could be wrong, and he is trying to copy Ricky Gervais.

Scoring like scarface and showing no fear for the library PoPo

To make sure his energy levels don’t wilt whiles he’s in the library, RHUL’s biggest BNOC summons up his mercenary heritage and, in his own words, “plunders” the vending machine.

Despite spending an extraordinary amount of time in the library, David admittedly does not constantly work and isn’t as study-righteous as it may first appear.

“I do go on Facebook a lot,” he reluctantly and (somewhat shamefully) admits in a whisper. “Even Bebo tempts me.”

‘I’m just logging someone out.” ‘Course you are pal.

Aside from temptations of social media that we used in our pre-teen years, David offers shrewd observations about the library as a whole. But once started off, his ranting is delivered in a tone of voice not dissimilar to that of Napoleon Dynamite. 

“In the summer, the library is baking.”

“Nah, not the SU – I much prefer 8Bar9.”

“I am part of the Illuminati.”

All truths, of course. Some bizarrely unrelated to the library, but perhaps David is a social commentator: perceiving all from the tops of Bedford library that he calls his ivory tower.

What does our mysterious hero do when everyone else leaves the library?

It’s open to speculation of course. Maybe he works furiously on his degree into the night – making sure he doesn’t get a Desmond.

Maybe he cracks open some of the fabled Oranjeboom and Zubr and gets rekd. Who knows? Anything’s possible. 

A ‘classier’ alternative to your special brew, frosty jacks or whatever you ‘av down the park m8

David Newman is part of the fabric of Bedford. He’s probably there right now as you read this. Be sure to high five him or give him a fist pump, for he is the man, the myth, and the legend of Bedford library.