The types of people you’ll find in a seminar

It’s a dreary morning, and your fellow students are filtering into campus to their various lectures, workshops, and tutorials. You’re dreading your seminar. But why?

You’re knackered for one thing. You might have spent the night before necking Special Brew and downing jaguarbombs, or VK clawing and twerking at the SU. Plus you had a Rialto’s hotdog. That was money well spent, mate.

The Edward scissorhands of VK’s

Oh, and you haven’t done the set reading for your seminar. Oops. Reading those academic articles is essentially, in one memorable inbetweeners quote, ‘fucking boariinng’.

The result of all this? You’re a lifeless drone, who essentially walks into a room, and one hour later, walks back out again without saying a word.

Monkeys not rammed? Definitely not a Monday then

But what about the others? What about your peers, whose names escape you time and time again, but upon seeing them in the SU in your drunken state, you’ve hugged them like a brother from another mother.

Moving on, here are the types of students that you’ll encounter in that dreaded seminar of yours:

1.     The know it all

The Chicago style of referencing is undoubtedly superior to Harvard’s! Hnnnnggg

The one student who’s done all the set reading. The absolute keeno. He or she dominates the seminar, and isn’t afraid to correct you on the most minor of details. Will you stand up to him? No chance. Why? ‘Cause you have no cojones esé.

2. The brah

Usually seen with a popped collar and snapback. Likely to riotously greet you with a pre-planned handshake. Has an arsenal of phrases ready at all times: ranging from ‘sun’s out, gun’s out’ to ‘dat aiiiiiisssssss’.

A new breed of brah: wearing a flat cap backwards.

3. The typist

Huddled behind their laptop, this individual seems to make it their goal to type every word spoken in the room – without lifting their eyes from the screen once.

“I’ve forgotten how to speak”

4. The gap yah

The older student who feels his travelling experiences makes him superior to us mere peasants.

Somehow relates his time spent in a hut in Togo to a class discussion on the French revolution.

Probably has a name like ‘Orlando Chad Harrington’.

‘Yah that’s right. I went to Atlantis last yahhhh. I met Richard Branson.’

5. The Dosser

A strange one. You’ve seen this chap about once in your seminar, as he never turns up.

They’re also perfectly content to leave everything till last minute.

And despite never speaking to you before, they will barrage you with Facebook messages before a deadline e.g. ‘What question have you done for the essay? Can I have look? I won’t copy BUDDY.’

‘3.48am? Plenty of time to start this essay. Only due in about 5 hours’

So there you have it: a selection of different personalities that inhabit your classrooms.

These aren’t limited of course, what about the fit babe who avoids your lustful glances? Or the morning drunk? Worse yet, have you encountered the one person who just bloody stinks all the time?

We’re left with one final question.

Who are YOU in this seminar? Do you fit the stereotype?

A) You can take your time to ponder that eternal question, or B) lazily look below at the effects of the ‘K Cider challenge’. You decide.

‘Special brew’s more sinister cousin’

‘Well he’s gonna make his nine o’clock’