7 reasons why christmas is shit now you’re a student
It’s here again, but it’s more seasonal studying than christmas cheer if you’re a student this xmas.
Like that one person who keeps talking to you but never gets the hint that you don’t actually want to talk to them, Christmas is back again, dangling its tinsel orbs in our faces. All of your friends have probably dragged out the Christmas jumpers by now, so in the interest of balance here’s a refreshing burst of pessimism for your Yuletide preparations.
There’s no denying it – Christmas isn’t fun now you’re a student. And here’s why:
1. Parents put less effort into your presents
When you were 2 feet high and had the IQ of a gently cooked root vegetable, Christmas was a time of genuine mystery. Nowadays the ‘mystery’ of Christmas manifests itself like this:
Mum: What do you what for Christmas?
Me: I dunno. Grand Theft Auto 5?
I can’t help feeling that the magic has been lost somewhere along the line.
2. You realise how annoying/alcoholic your family really is
Now that you too are there you’re expected to converse with your family like an adult or something, a whole new social minefield must be navigated. Each year the interviews have the same questions: ‘What are you studying? Where do you study? What are you going to do when you leave uni? Have you ever done drugs?’ – it goes on and on. Thank God you only do this once a year.
3. You hear the same Christmas jingles – every year
When you’re six years old you’ve only experienced Christmas six times, and the first two you probably don’t even remember. Everything is a novelty. And the Christmas songs are great, you’ll never get tired of hearing them. But then you hear them again next year. And again the year after that. And then again next year. Without fail the season brings with it the same slew of songs like some dreadful Horseman of the Musical Apocalypse and eventually the nostalgia just becomes sour.
4. The things you really want are too expensive or can’t be bought
Now the things you want are more valuable. Unfortunately, working as an unpaid intern means you can’t afford these things yourself. Even if you don’t have hideously expensive taste, the things you truly wish for are things that anyone who isn’t the Fairy Godmother can’t really get you. Like financial security. Or a sense of purpose. Or a lifetime’s supply of cereal. Or a clearly defined career path. The list goes on.
5. THE WORK NEVER ENDS
Chances are if you’re at uni, you’ll be getting no rest with all the essays, assignments and reading you’ve been set over Christmas. On top of that the Christmas job you’ve signed up for means that you don’t have an awful lot of free time. Instead, you and a bunch of other hapless souls get to shunt packages around at Argos in the hope that the money you earn will just about cover your financial necessities for the next term. Speaking of which…
6. More friends, no money
Socialising at uni brings a fresh crop of friends and you, being keen to express your love for each and every one of them, want to get them all lovely and unique gifts. But your bank balance has other ideas, and only now that you’re broke do you realise the true value of money. Then there are all the Christmas parties – that booze isn’t going to pay for itself. Compromises have to be made, but where? And at whose expense? A distinction has to be drawn between what you want and what you actually need.
7. It keeps getting earlier
But Christmas wouldn’t be so bad if it could settle into a clearly defined time period. Instead everyone is free to improvise. The result is horrendously pre-emptive Christmas decorations up for sale in the middle of autumn – even before Halloween. This is excessive. It’s not a West End musical production, you don’t need three months of preparation. We need to slow down – Christmas will always be back.