How to talk about football for boys who don’t have a clue

I don’t care about football, but I can pretend to

Every Monday is the same. The talk about the most recent football matches that took place over the weekend, and how everyone’s team did. When you don’t watch or play football (no, not even FIFA) this is an alienating time.

So this year it was decided by my course mates that I needed to get into football a little more. It’s a lot easier than you would expect.

Apparently the most important part is the team you support. So in true millennial fashion I turned to a Buzzfeed quiz to tell me who to support, after multiple questions in which I chose a quality I look for in a partner, an animal and a 'Friends' character- I was told which team to support.

Swansea City.

I am from the South East of England with no ties to Wales, I haven’t even visited it in my living memory. But I was bound now, to support ‘my team’.

The next step is choosing a favourite player, I did this in the most rigorous and completely non-shallow manner… by selecting the most attractive player, duh.

My favourite player is now Joe Rodon- who could be a great or terrible player I haven’t a clue. But by knowing a team player's name, it shows you have some knowledge of your club.

Mr Joe Rodon! Credit:

I found that by following your chosen team on social media, it will keep you up to date on the main club news. But I also look up the scores every Monday morning just to be sure how my team has done; this way I can react suitably in commiseration or celebration when quizzed at 9am, on how my team has performed!

So although I have no actual knowledge or greater interest in football I can pretend I do, and involve myself in the daily, football talks about my team. Appearing a dedicated fan, despite knowing very little about the sport at all.