Not for the faint-hearted, here are Portsmouth’s worst initiation confessions
The crude, the mad and the fugly
When the terms “Chunderdragon” and “ZuluWarrior” are repeated more than times than it is acceptable, you can pretty much assume someone is on their Initiation.
If what Forest Gump says about how life is like a box of chocolates, then initiations for societies are like coffee flavoured Revels smothered in marmite.
The rightful way of gaining a slightly mediocre approval from your fellow peers is constantly questioned, as you attempt to down the (somewhat dubious) pint that was just cellotaped to your eagerly awaiting and naive fresher hands. As people always say, “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade”, however this has been slightly twisted by social secretary’s to “when your body gives you piss, make your fresher drink it”. Non-society members will judge you, but don’t worry we’ve all been there.
If you have somehow made it thus far through university and haven’t had the almighty pleasure of being included in an initiation, then kudos. Luckily for you, your parents will continue to support your studies, as they are oblivious to the unruly behaviour that you may have demonstrated during a purple Wednesday. Having to explain to your Mother why you were pictured with remains of dyed purple chunks of your Lyberry burger on your mouth, shirt and hair is never an easy conversation.
However, if you have experienced one of the most traumatic evenings of your life, I’m sure some of the following stories are some what flash-back worthy and take you back to momentous challenges that you may or may not have accomplished.
I decided I wanted to discover the best (or worst) stories that my friends had collected about initiations from previous years. As a disclosure some of the following answers have left a somewhat sour taste in my mouth – similar to the one I had after port and red wine concoction I saw away almost three years ago. But don’t worry kids, the dog biscuits were there to help soak up the devil juice I had just consumed.
So, onto the revelations of the beloved initiations.
What was the worst task or challenge you had to complete during your initiation?
In some kind of cruel twisted Little Mermaid exercise plan one person said this: “I had to do sit-ups whilst being covered in fish guts which led to being forced to crawl through other people’s sick”.
Another treated us to the illusive “Rainbow Challenge”. A not so fun and cute opportunity (as the name would suggest) but rather a competitive combination of fitness and consumption of beverages.
“So basically after finishing my game, we had the Social Secs waiting for us with pint glasses and bottles… I had to do a pint of white wine then run the length of the pitch and back, pint of Rosé… length of the pitch and back and then red… length of the pitch and back”
I may be colour-blind but that sounds like a s**t rainbow!
One of my close friends wanted to include his experience of getting halfway through his pint and regurgitating (chundering) back into the glass. Which lead to a disgusting version of Isaac Newtons theory of “what goes up, must come down”. I don’t think I need to spell it out. But lets just say that pint glass was emptier than my student overdraft account.
So my friends have thus far managed to ensure I see them in different lights with these stories, But what are the worst stories they’ve heard or even had the pleasure of witnessing. I know from my days of being a young innocent freshling I witnessed a lad with a lobster duct taped to his chest. I like to think that he will one day tell his grandchildren of the time he was once sharing a t-shirt with a large crustacean. Others however, have slightly less child appropriate stories.
“I met someone who ate cereal out of his friends arse, I don’t know the details, didn’t ask.”
Not exactly an “and that kid’s is how I met your father” kind of story.
I like to believe that the next one is somehow linked.
“I’m pretty sure one person got so drunk on their initiation that they were challenged to do a colonic irrigation…”
But then there was this inhumane list of challenges witnessed:
“Half pint of oil, half pint vodka.”
“Eating a mars from someone’s arse with no hands.”
“Dog food sandwich.”
“Tied a lead to a fresher and made them walk on all fours his old boys side.”
“Cranberry vodka tampon shots.”
“Eat tea bags.”
“Oreo Challenge” – if you don’t know what this is, watch the first episode of Blue Mountain State – “I’ll never look at an Oreo the same way again.”
After taking all this new information in, I actually wondered if there was in fact anything these people wouldn’t do for their Social Secs?
Apparently according to the ten people I asked, nine of them said they couldn’t remember ever rejecting a challenge. This has lead me to believe Portsmouth probably have the most loyal fresher’s of any University.
So continue ripping that shirt off for Baywatch and downing those Snakey B’s!
If you have a story to tell, about initaions or anything else, just send a message to The Tab Portsmouth’s Facebook page.