Why Trafalgar Halls is the best halls

The one with the helicopter pad on top


Trafalgar Halls, otherwise known as the ‘helicopter pad building’ is one of Portsmouth University’s most popular choices for 1st year housing and why wouldn’t it be? As a fresher the excitement of potential minor celebrities landing on your rooftop is the best possible start to your university life. However we can’t forget the £122 expenditure that comes with the privilege of telling everyone that you’re from Trafalgar.

Now for such a hefty rent you’d expect things to run ship shape without so much as flat post box out of place. Unfortunately that isn’t the reality as the building’s fire escape becomes your very own personal gym going up and down those 14 floors multiple times a day. While Unite’s maintenance team stretch to their limits desperately trying to fix the lifts which sound like they’re grinding up some poor fresher’s bones who didn’t quite make it back after a messy night out at Astoria’s Dirty Disco.

At least some compensation for the punishment that is a £140 TV licence is the unpredictable but constant source of entertainment from paper thin walls above, below and next door to you. Now I know halls is a chance to meet new people and get to know them but somehow listening to the rhythmic banging of head boards is a bonding experience too in depth for my liking.

After a long day of lectures, missing lectures and then binge watching shitty tv shows your evening definitely perks up when your kitchen window looks directly into the private halls across the road where the majority of tenants believe that wearing clothes is far too mainstream. I mean having the body confidence to strut around in your birthday suit is great but maybe you could pull the blinds down when I’m trying to eat my spaghetti and meatballs?

Trafalgar Halls not only provides you with a co-operative a matter a floors below your bedroom to stop you from ever going hungry but there are ‘professional’ hired cleaners that spritz your kitchen clean every fortnight. Well, under the terms that you scrub and clean your own kitchen within an inch of its life before they even enter the flat. But we must not discourage these lovely ladies just yet as you can always count on them for the latest building gossip and who doesn’t love coming home to a cute little card on the kitchen table.

If you’ve ever wondered what it feels like to live in a zoo then lucky you, your dream will come true on a University open day as a tenant in Trafalgar Hall. As you beep yourself through potentially the heaviest and most temperamental doors the pack of parents and potential students turn as one to stare at you.

Their beady eyes see into your soul and you quicken your walk to a weird canter run combination to get to the safety of the lifts. As the double doors close you can hear the faint whispers of parents “So that’s what you look like after 4 months of partying” and “there’s no way my little girl is going to end up like that”.

And so after enduring the spectacle that are open days and the insistent 3am fire alarms Trafalgar Hall feels like home and somehow living anywhere else would feel wrong.