How to prepare for St. Jude’s Storm

Surviving the oncoming storm for students.


“There’s a storm coming, Harry. And we all best be ready when she does.”

The U.K. is in a state of urgency. We must prepare for the worst.

Here’s some handy tips on Storm Survival:

#1 – Assign a Storm Coordinator

This individual must possess the ability to remain calm under pressure, be willing to take their life for the sake of the group, and they must not be afraid of storms. Obviously.

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They must also possess a hard hat

#2 – Grab a towel

You might get wet. Man’s greatest invention since sliced bread, the towel offers unparalleled expertise in the drying department. Grab one as soon as possible and you’re ready to tackle the storm head on.

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This brave-hearted man with his trusty comrade is ready – are you?

#3 – Suit up.

If you haven’t already, get a wet suit. Now. Whilst your friends and foes meet a watery grave with the ensuing storm, at least you’ll be the one who’s dry.

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Dry or die

Be sure to thoroughly test the suit too.

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Throw water at suit. Check if wet

#4 – Have an escape plan

If you’re prepared to flee to safer grounds, be sure to have some form of transportation readily available. Make sure to have a weapon to defend yourself not only against the elements but other humans too. People will turn crazy in the forthcoming apocalypse.

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Prepared

#5 – Build a raft

Make a raft out of anything you can find; this will be your own Noah’s Ark when the heavens open up to punish us for our sins. Beer bongs provide the perfect companion in catching rainwater.

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Hard hats save lives. And keep your hair dry

#6 – Barricade

We all know that storms never knock. Barricade the shit out of your house with anything you can lay your hands on.

Barricade

Impenetrable

#7 – Build a fort

This is the most important procedure. When humanity is on the brink of destruction, you will need to stick together. Build a fort that can withstand severe wind and rain. We recommend duvets and chairs.

Oh, and be sure to cast a forcefield around your base for extra protection.

Base

This fort will withstand anything St Jude throws its way

Don’t forget to build a reasonable entrance.

Entrance

Reinforced chair-walls are a must

#8 – Prepare for the worst

If you survive the initial onslaught, prepare for the aftermath. Venturing out may not be an option for a while, so be sure to stock up on what’s important.

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The essentials

# 9 – If all hope is lost, get drunk

So, you’re going to die. Yeah, it sucks, but at least accept your fate and go out with a laugh – why not? Don’t let a storm bring you down.

Drink

Remain the optimist