A rundown of every fresher you have met this year: Which one are you?
‘What A Levels did you do?’
You’ve been here a month by now and if you’ve managed to venture out from the growing pile of reading you have to do in your room, you are bound to have met these Oxford fresh.
Who knows maybe you are even one of them:
The one who lives solely for the group chat
You can bet this frosh has made it their business to be prolific on every fresher group chat and meet up for coffee with them. They are nowhere near as interesting or chatty as they seemed during late-August when they were sending pictures of their cat into the group-chat, but they are a minor BNOC for the first three hours or so.
This fresher is already hitting the library in freshers’ week. They have done six essays, just for practice, and have read the entire reading list. Don’t worry though, guys, they have done like letchrally nooo work.
The one who peaked in Year 11
You know, the cool guy, the one who exudes popularity in his swagger and knows everyone on campus. This guy wears a college sweater which was his dad’s when he was here in the 90s, and when you ask his name, he will simply laugh. Don’t you already know?
The pick-me boy
You can bet they don’t mind sleeping on your floor at afters, and want to tell you all about how they were misunderstood at school because they were just so into poetry and saw a deeper meaning in Of Mice and Men at GCSE than all the sporty ones gave them credit for. Yuck.
The Union Hack
Note, this is not actually a fresher, but this dubious second or third year will absolutely be involved in every freshers’ group-chat. Hey guys! Do YOU want to be involved in Oxford’s most prestigious debating society!?
The Gap Yah babe
This fresher is the one who tells you all about their gap yah. We’ve all heard about this stereotype before, but it doesn’t stop them spouting off stories about how they found themselves at the foothills of some mountain in Australia, which they were taken to as part of their package touring holiday booked by their mum. This frosh is just so mature, because obviously the extra year of ‘just, like, life experience’ has prepared them for the ‘real world’.
This fresher makes it their business to *get to know* their cohort, and you can usually catch a different walker-of-shame leaving their room at 9am in the morning. This fresher is so cool until it’s 3pm on a sunday, and they’re in the rush of Magdalen Street Tesco panic-buying three kinds of humous for dinner when a painfully familiar face walks by.
Little Miss ‘where’s my Juul?’
Can usually be found hanging around George Street, in search of a new Elf bar to compliment her new colour of cargos. Enough said.
The anonymous room dweller
Yep, you guessed it, this is the fresher who studies Comp Sci and you have barely met them because, after meeting them at the first induction talk in Hall, they have been in their room. They could be a cult leader, a collector of knives, or a musical genius and you would have no clue because you barely even know their name.
The one who was, like, so drunk this one time
Every story that this fresher tells usually begins with ‘So I was five beers in and about to chop another…’ or ends with ‘…and then I just chunned everywhere’. Every hour is happy hour, because they are just such a party animal like that.
The Atik fanatic
This frosh just can’t get enough of all the meagre selection Oxford’s nightclub scene has to offer. They have bought every Park End Wednesday ticket until 2024, and they somehow still manage to make it to Bridge Thursday every time. Broke Monday? They will be there. Respectable effort.
Finally, we have the resident college shark. Another non-fresher, but you can bet you have met them interspersed with the new first years; they are the second or third year who is just a little *too* friendly with helping you move in. Not naming any names.